


Learning to Love

by TSPrincxietyTrash



Series: If You Would Let Me Love You Series [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, In later chapters - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Binary/Demi-Boy Patton, Prequel to If You Would Let Me Love You, Roman's not in this one, Set about 4 years before that fic, Smut, Soz, with he/him pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2019-09-21 05:43:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17037764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSPrincxietyTrash/pseuds/TSPrincxietyTrash
Summary: Patton is just trying to live his life day to day.  And for the most part, he's fine.  He doesn't worry about how others see him.  He doesn't worry about his friend Virgil and how he works himself into the ground to run his bar, and he definitely, DEFINITELY doesn't worry about the fact that he is totally and completely in love with his best friend Logan, who totally and completely does not love him back...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pantton_Sandacers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pantton_Sandacers/gifts).



> YO WHAT UP FAMDERS IT'S BEEN A MILLION YEARS BUT HERE WE GO!!! 
> 
> I have finally, finally started writing the Logicallity prequel to my long fic If you Would Let me Love You that I promised everyone about a hundred years ago. This chapter is short and basically just an introduction to general Patton angst but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

Patton sighed gazing into his wardrobe.  He had to admit it was a mess.  Skirts, dresses, pants, vests, t-shirts, button-downs, cardigans and more were piled high in no particular order, with a few bits and pieces actually resting on coat hangers.  He glanced back around his tiny room, cluttered with memories and mess alike and sighed again.  He had nothing to wear. 

Objectively, this was entirely untrue.  Both his wardrobe and his floor were covered in clothes.  But in the last fifteen minutes he had spent trying to get dressed absolutely nothing he put on felt comfortable.  He huffed in frustration trying not to let it get to him.  He looked in the mirror again to take in the most recent outfit he had tried on.  A dark blue, knee-length skirt with a plain white long-sleeved t-shirt and his slightly rounder glasses of the two pairs he liked to change between. 

He looked like a boy.  He could feel tears stinging in his eyes but he refused to let them fall.  _It doesn’t matter_.  He told himself firmly.  _It’s okay if people look at you and see a boy, you are a demi-boy after all! How are strangers supposed to know that you’re not really a boy or a girl just by looking at you?_

He took a deep breath and turned away from the mirror, deciding that this outfit would have to do as he was running out of time and needed to be at work soon.  He ran his hands through his hair a couple of times in an attempt to tame the unruly curls but he doubted it really had an effect.  Only a few minutes later he was locking the door to his apartment and heading off to work. 

 

 

 

“Hey, Pat, fancy a drink?” Patton grinned as brightly as he could manage across the bar at Virgil, who was smiling lazily back at him. 

“Can I just have a rum and coke please, Virge?” He smiled again and Virgil nodded, moving to make his drink.  With Virgil’s eyes off him for a moment he allowed the smile to slip from his face, feeling drained after a long day of feeling uncomfortable at work.  He pulled himself up onto one of the bar stools and waited, glancing round the little bar that was so familiar to him. 

He had been coming to this place for years now, had even known the previous owner, and now it was Virgil’s bar.  He watched as Virgil made his rum and coke, chatting to a customer at the same time and felt a small genuine smile pull at his lips.  Ten months ago he had met Virgil and in that time they had become extremely close and Virgil’s bar had steadily grown in popularity, so much so that sometimes on the weekends Patton would come in to help out. 

A moment later Virgil was smiling at him, his eyes warm and fond through his purple bangs, sliding the requested rum and coke over the dark wood of the bar to Patton.  He smiled and took it gratefully, sipping and hoping that soon the alcohol would numb his senses enough to make him feel less uncomfortable.

“How was your day today?” Patton asked Virgil a moment later once he had sipped almost half the drink.  Virgil blinked at him.

“Eh, it was alright.  Wow, Pat, you’re really polishing that off quickly, were the kids really hyper today or something?” his low voice only just masked his concern as Virgil eyed Patton over the bar.  Patton sighed and inwardly cursed Virgil’s seemingly elevated ability to read people, Patton in particular.  He glanced away and shrugged non-committedly.

“Something like that,” he tried to make his tone light-hearted but also with a hint of finality so that Virgil wouldn’t question him further.  Thankfully he was blessed with just that as Virgil quietly murmured that he had to get back to serving drinks but promising to return to chat soon.  Patton waved him off cheerfully before abruptly downing the remainder of his drink. 

For some time he enjoyed quietly observing the bar, people watching from his perch and making up stories in his head for different people at random.  He was just about to order another drink when someone slipped into the seat beside him, sliding some sort of fruity cocktail towards him in the process.  Patton looked up at the stranger.  They were potentially a man, tall and fairly muscular with a large, angular jaw and short spikey black hair.  Patton could feel himself hunching his shoulders slightly, shrinking in on himself in defence.  He was in no mood to talk to someone he didn’t know really.

“Hi there,” the stranger offered, their voice a medium baritone.  Something about the smile they had pinned to their face made Patton slightly wary.  He made an effort not to grimace.

“Hey friendo,” was all he said in response, his tone flat and as un-encouraging as he could manage.  Unfortunately the stranger didn’t seem dissuaded.

“Can you tell me your name, gorgeous?” they asked, leaning closer to Patton.  He almost flinched in response.

“Eh, Patton,” he mumbled, turning his head away and resolutely ignoring the drink that the stranger had pushed even closer to him.

“Patty?” the response set Patton’s teeth on edge but before he could make the correction the stranger was speaking again, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?” they asked, evidently attempting to sound sultry and flirty.  Patton’s stomach twisted sharply, his arms and the back of his neck beginning to tingle as he felt nerves flit through his entire body.  It was too hot, he was starting to sweat.

“’m not a girl,” he mumbled, bringing his arms around his middle and hugging himself tightly, looking down at his knees as he attempted to hold himself together, to desperately protect himself from the gaze and judgement of on-lookers.

“Maybe not a _real_ one, but you look ever so pretty, you’re passing just fine,” the stranger reached out and touched Patton’s knee, their voice condescending and oh so patronising.  Patton could hardly stop himself from shaking.  He squirmed in his stool, attempting to move his knee from the stranger’s touch, but they moved with him, touching him more firmly.

“No, I…I’m not, eh, I’m…” Patton tripped over his words, feeling panic start to rise inside him.  He didn’t want to try to explain his identity to this stranger.  He didn’t want someone to try and feel him up just because he was wearing a skirt.  He didn’t want to stop wearing skirts so that strangers wouldn’t try to feel him up either. 

“It’s okay, why don’t you have a drink to calm your nerves, I don’t bite,” the stranger attempted to sooth Patton. 

“No thank you,” he responded, as firmly as he could manage, swinging his legs around forcefully to get this stranger’s hand off him.  It worked, but only for a moment.  Now they were trailing their hand up and down Patton’s arm.  He could feel nausea churning in his stomach.  The stranger was about to speak again when suddenly a loud cough caught both of their attention.  Patton’s head whipped round to see Virgil standing on the other side of the bar, looking downright furious.  Relief flooded through him as the stranger finally removed their hand, taking in Virgil’s hostile stance.  Virgil suddenly flashed a dangerous smile, all teeth and no warmth.

“What’s your name?” he asked the stranger darkly. They blinked several times, colour tinting their cheeks as Virgil stared them down, unrelenting.

“Eh, Jack,” Patton watched as Virgil nodded slowly, looking this Jack up and down, apparently sizing them up.

“Jack, buddy, I got a quick question for you,” Virgil’s voice was surprisingly calm, at odds with his expression, which depicted nothing but distaste.

“Oh, okay?” Jack paused, looking at Virgil with a mix of expectation and nerves.

“What the _fuck_ do you think you’re doing?” Virgil growled, his restraint clearly snapping as he almost smacked his hands on the bar, leaning over it to invade the stranger’s personal space. They reared back, blinking rapidly and looking to Patton apparently for help.  Patton almost smirked at the thought, finally feeling his heart-rate begin to slow to a more normal rate.

“Oh, eh, I was just, you know…. Eh-”

“Making my friend very uncomfortable?” Virgil cut them off. 

“Wha- no, I was just-”

“You know what? Save it, pal, get the fuck out of my bar.  I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, get the fuck out of here right now,” Virgil snapped, cutting of their stammering and gesturing sharply towards the door.  Their jaw dropped and for a moment there was silence as they eyed Virgil.  But his expression did not waver and a moment later the stranger was turning to leave and then they were gone.

Patton took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down.  He glanced over at Virgil whose expression of ire had completely dissolved into one of care and concern as he looked at Patton, waiting for him to be ready to talk.  Patton smiled a little weakly.

“You okay?” Virgil asked, his voice low.  Patton nodded slowly.

“Been a tough day with, eh, gender stuff and yeah… It’s okay, though!  Don’t you worry about me, kiddo, I’ll be fine!” he caught himself half-way through his sentence and smiled brightly, bringing his tone back up to its usual cheery level by the time he finished speaking.  Virgil still looked concerned but he smiled anyway.  Reaching out, he squeezed Patton’s shoulder for a moment in comfort before turning back to his bar to continue working. 

 

Less than five minutes later, Patton was making his excuses and heading out of the heavy glass door to go back to his apartment and wallow a little in his misery alone, where he couldn’t bother anyone else with it. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around himself tighter.  It was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite everything in his life being fairly comfortable and as it should be, Logan can't help but feel like something is missing. On a night out with his friends he attempts to remedy this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys, gals and non-binary pals! 
> 
> I know it's been 100 years I'M SORRY!!! 
> 
> The last chapter was the intro to Patton angst, this is the intro to Logan angst and also just him being a generally entirely useless gay. 
> 
> Warning: there is a bit of sex talk and a vague description of sex in this chapter between Logan and someone who is not a side, so if you want to avoid that skip from "Before he even knew what was happening..." to "His last thought before sleep..."  
> But I promise it's not in any detail at all.
> 
> Another warning for reference to sex under the influence of alcohol.

Logan Sanders was tired and frustrated.  It seemed that lately he was _always_ feeling tired and frustrated.  It’s not that anything in particular was troubling him, everything with his work was fine, he was financially comfortable, he had friends he cared for very deeply and they provided him with an enjoyable social life.  He was 24 years old, working on his PhD while tutoring in his free time for work and in a very good position to start a prosperous career almost as soon as he would graduate. 

So why did it feel like something was missing?

He had been studying for almost two and a half hours now, had watched the light change as the sun set, and it felt as though he hadn’t made any progress at all.

Sighing in frustration he kicked his feet against the floor, sending his wheeled desk chair rolling across the hardwood floor of his bedroom to reach his phone which he had left on the nightstand in hopes of lessening the chances of distraction.  He felt his lips twitch almost in a smile when he noticed a text from Virgil inviting him to hang out with both him and Patton at his bar later that evening.  He glanced over at his piles of notes, the sheer amount of work before him appearing to stretch higher and higher in an optical illusion reminiscent of a cheap trick in a tacky horror show. 

Nodding once to himself he began to type a response, deciding that he was unlikely to do any more productive work and that social interaction would probably be good for him.  That’s what Patton kept insisting anyway. 

 

 

 

Logan felt a pleasant warmth in his chest as he entered Virgil’s bar, one of his favourite places in the whole city.  He felt himself smile a little at the huge LGBTQ+ flag on the wall behind the bar before he began scanning for Virgil and Patton.  He spotted Patton first, sitting alone in a corner booth, looking out of the window ahead of him with a somewhat dreamy expression on his face.  He felt a tug of fondness in his chest for his best friend as he started making his way towards the booth, noticing how the soft, warm lighting made Patton look even more gentle, rosy and delicate and so small.  He soon slid into the seat opposite his friend, nodding once in lieu of a vocal greeting.  Patton’s entire face lit up, a huge smile spreading across his lips as he flapped his hands a little excitedly, his cheeks turning a little pink.

“Hey Logan!” he almost shouted, practically bouncing in his seat.  It was entirely over the top and completely adorable.  Logan felt that familiar squeeze in his chest.

“Salutations, Patton.  I assume from your overly enthusiastic greeting that you are well?” he smiled as Patton nodded, his curls bouncing a little with the movement.

“Now Logan, you know that when you assume you make an as of su and me,” Patton immediately began giggling at his own joke as Logan fought hard to keep himself from groaning in frustration.  “But yes, I’m doing dandy, thank you!” he added cheerfully once his giggling had finally subsided.  Logan smiled again.

“I haven’t heard the colloquialism ‘dandy’ before, Patton, am I to understand it means ‘well’?” he asked, reaching for his phone to make a quick note.  Patton smiled at him again, but this time it wasn’t his huge cheery grin that he wore almost all the time, or his sly smile he reserved for his most awful puns.  No, this smile was one that Logan had only seen directed at himself. It was soft and quiet, a smile that was not for others, but for Patton.  A smile that indicated that something had made him feel warm inside and had provided him with some sort of quiet happiness that didn’t need to be shared.  It was Logan’s favourite smile to see on his best friend’s face.  Whenever he saw that smile he knew he had said or done something that brought Patton some sort of private joy and he relished those moments whenever they came. 

“Yeah, Lo, that’s pretty much what it means,” Patton’s voice was quiet and gentle, and that smile was still playing about his lips.  As he turned his gaze to his phone to begin typing in the new vocabulary he allowed himself for a moment to think back over all the years he had known Patton.  They had met in elementary school and at first Logan hadn’t liked Patton at all.  He was loud and excited and full of energy all the time, blurting out every thought that seemed to come into his head and rarely stopping to think things through logically before acting.  In many ways he was the complete opposite of Logan and this stark difference had cause Logan to resist at first, to push him away and dismiss him as silly, maybe even stupid.

How wrong he had been. 

As they had grown Patton had proved himself time and again to be the smartest person Logan knew, particularly about things Logan had a difficult time processing; feelings, social cues, colloquial speech patterns etc.  Patton had offered him friendship, guidance and endless patience and as time went on their friendship had grown until Logan had absolutely no doubt that this ridiculous wonderful person was the best friend he had and was ever going to have.  And now here they were, on the cusp of real adulthood, as close as ever and still helping one another to learn and grow. 

“Hey Nerd, I got you a beer,” Logan was snapped back to the present at the sound of Virgil’s voice as he slid into the booth next to Patton, grinning at Logan as he moved the drink across the table towards him.  He took it gratefully and began drinking, observing Patton and Virgil exchange greetings and smiling again as Patton ruffled Virgil’s hair and giggled at the resulting grumpy expression that graced his pale face.

“How are you today, Virgil?” Logan asked, distracting him from Patton’s attempts to tickle him by prodding his side.

“’M fine,” he mumbled, his face serious as he concentrated on holding back Patton’s onslaught and looking for a route of attack at the same time.  Logan felt himself smiling fondly at the display.  He was sure any other people acting like children would irritate him probably to no end but for some reason when it was Patton and Virgil doing it, he just found it endearing. 

Soon they slipped into conversation, talking about everything and nothing.  Patton regaled them with tales from the daycare centre he had just started working at, telling them amusing anecdotes of childish antics and flushing happily as he got carried away telling the stories.  Virgil listened with rapt attention, drinking slowly and offering witty comments here and there that made Logan chuckle.

 A couple of hours passed and the three of them kept drinking, more than Logan would usually take as he felt his tensions melt away.  Still he couldn’t help but feel that same, persistent, niggling feeling.  That frustrated itch that wouldn’t budge even as his muscles relaxed with his alcohol intake. 

Virgil’s eyes were a little hazy and his gestures had become broader, his voice even lower somehow.  It was pleasant to listen to and Logan felt himself closing his eyes on several occasions to let the sound wash over him.  Patton’s cheeks were extremely rosy, like squishy red apples, Logan thought.  He frowned as he looked at his dearest friend, unable to think about anything other than smooshing those delightfully flushed cheeks.  Logan blinked, trying to focus in on what his friends were saying.  He realised he hadn’t been listening for a while and now Patton’s eyes were wide and excited and Virgil was smirking, looking a little smug and confident.

“It’s not that big a deal, Pat, I’ve had one night stands before,” Logan forced himself to focus on Virgil’s voice and really listen to him. 

“I have too, Virge, but they just always felt like a big deal to me,” Patton’s tone was conversational, as if the two of them discussed sex all the time.  And maybe they did, for all Logan knew.  Just because no one ever seemed to want to talk about sex with _him_ didn’t mean they wouldn’t talk about it with others.  He shook his head, realising he was missing parts of the conversation again.  Patton was asking Virgil questions about specifics now and, wow, Logan hadn’t really pegged him for one who would want to know about his friends’ preferred positions.  Come to think of it, he hadn’t really thought much about Patton’s sex life at all.  He frowned as something hot and uncomfortable churned in his stomach as he thought of some stranger touching Patton like that, fucking him even. 

Patton was describing one particular experience in great detail now and Logan could feel his heckles rising.  Why were they talking about this? Flaunting their easy and satisfying sex lives in front of him.  He ground his teeth together a little trying to calm down.  He couldn’t understand why this was making him so angry, and if there’s one thing he couldn’t bear, it was not understanding something.  Feeling the urge to shut them up at any cost he felt the words tumbling from his lips before he could stop them.

“I’ve never had a one night stand,”

It had the desired effect.  Both Virgil and Patton fell silent, turning to look at him.  Neither of them looked like they were judging him which dislodged some of the unpleasantness he was feeling at least. 

“Would you ever want to?” Virgil asked, his expression entirely relaxed and open.  Logan considered for a moment as Virgil watched him, raising his glass to take a drink.

“I hadn’t thought of it until recently but currently I do feel the need to ‘get some’, so to speak.”  Virgil immediately choked and began coughing and spluttering while Patton furiously patted his back in an attempt to help him, blushing all the while.  Eventually Virgil’s fit subsided, his face red and blotchy and his eyes brimming with tears from the choking.

“Christ, Lo, who taught you that phrase?” he asked, his voice rough.  Logan smirked as he recalled.

“I believe it was you,” he quirked an eyebrow as Virgil groaned, dropping his head in his hands.

“What have I done?!” he lamented while Patton giggled.  Virgil ran a hand through his hair, disrupting his violently purple bangs before looking back at Logan, levelling him with an almost challenging stare.  “Despite how bizarre it sounds coming from your mouth, if you really do feel the need to _get some_ , why don’t you just do it? Pick someone up and take them home! You’re so hot, Lo, I bet half the guys in here would kill to go home with you for a night,” he winked at the end of his speech and Logan was sure his face was burning.  He ducked his head, rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand in self-consciousness.

“No one wants to go home with me,” he mumbled, feeling a little stab of pain in his stomach as he said it. 

“Logan,” he snapped his eyes up at the firm tone in Patton’s voice.  His eyes were burning with passion, he was so small but somehow he seemed to be taking up much more space now.  Logan’s eyes widened as he waited for him to go on.  “There are at least five different guys here who have been checking you out all night, and some girls too though I know you wouldn’t be interested in them.  You are gorgeous, Logan Sanders, and any man would be lucky to have you.  In fact, most of them aren’t good enough for you,” Patton’s voice wavered at the end of his sentence, his eyes full of determination and also something else, like a distant sadness.  Logan’s heart was thumping in his chest.  It was one thing to have Virgil saying these things, Virgil who would often flirt with his friends just for fun, but it felt like something else entirely to hear it come from Patton too.  Patton who was so sweet, and so pure, receiving encouragement of this kind from him was so strange and also enthralling. 

“…Even if I _could_ , I don’t… how would I…” Logan trailed off, struggling to explain his frustration and lack of understanding of standard courting rituals, or ‘hook ups’ as he seemed to remember Virgil calling them once.  But Virgil was smiling at him now, grinning almost.

“Lo, you’re not even ready for how good a wingman I am.  We’re gonna get you a guy right now,” a moment later Virgil had slipped out of the booth and was grabbing Logan’s arm, pulling him along with him towards the bar.  Logan glanced over his shoulder to see Patton watching them with big, sad eyes, his lips turned down at the corners.  Almost as soon as Logan saw it, it was gone and Patton was smiling, giving him a ridiculously enthusiastic thumbs up and smiling so brightly it was almost blinding. 

Before he even knew what was happening Virgil had them talking to several different people and everyone was laughing, touching and flirting.  It wasn’t long before someone was approaching Logan, talking to him, flirting with him, kissing him, making out with him, whispering to him.  And then he was leaving with this guy’s arm around his waist, watching as Virgil grinned at him and Patton smiled sadly.  And then he was in a cab, making out with a near stranger, going home with him, entering the dingy flat and then they were kissing, biting, licking, feeling, stripping, grinding, sucking, stretching and fucking, fucking, fucking until finally they collapsed on the bed, lying apart from one another, the other already asleep as Logan felt the cold of the room from every angle.  He looked over at the man.  He couldn’t even remember his name.

His last thought before sleep finally engulfed him was of Patton, and what he might say when he saw him tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM A POOR DYSLEXIC BEAN PLEASE HELP ME BY MAKING ME A ROASTED DYSLEXIC BEAN IF YOU SEE A TYPO!!!!! 
> 
> Also wow, Logan's got it bad and he doesn't even know it...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing Logan leave with a stranger for a hook up, Patton attempts to deal with his emotions, 
> 
> and fails miserably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there famILY! You want some angst? I brought you some angst...

Patton watched as Logan half stumbled through the big glass door of Virgil’s bar, with some guy’s arm around him, pulling him along.  He tried to smile when Logan glanced back but he was sure it was unconvincing. 

He felt like his heart was turning to ice in his chest. 

For almost ten years now he had been completely in love with Logan, had been aware of it for at least five and yet here he was again, witnessing further proof that Logan didn’t see him that way, didn’t want him, _didn’t love him._

Really, he ought to be used to it by now.  All his clumsy attempts at flirting through their teenage years had gone unnoticed, unreciprocated.  Logan had even dated a couple of people, had even talked to Patton about his feelings for them and still it hadn’t been enough to stop his stupid heart from hoping, from feeling the insistent adoration for this ridiculous, intelligent, handsome, kind-hearted man he had grown up with.  Even when Patton himself had tried dating people to try and move on all it had done was solidify his feelings for Logan.  No one else could make him feel this way.  So full of life and light, so curious and excited to learn, so at ease and so respected.  Right from the beginning he was done for.

And so he’d given up.  He stopped dating people and occasionally slept with someone when he was desperately horny.  But even those encounters, no matter how satisfying in the moment, only served to remind him of what he did not have, of who he most wanted to share these soft touches and gentle kisses with.  It was agony, but he’d grown used to it.  He had accepted it and learned to live with it. 

At least, that’s what he thought. 

He shook his head, trying to clear it of the images of Logan and that man.  He had seen them kissing, seen them clamber into the cab together and now his brain was apparently set on torturing him by conjuring image after image of the two of them together, of all the things they might be doing.  He felt sick and sad and lonely. 

Slowly, he lifted his glass to his lips and took a long drink, almost finishing it, wishing the alcohol would burn his sadness away.  But it didn’t.  He felt tears stinging in his eyes, but he couldn’t let them fall, not here.  At that precise moment Virgil flopped into the seat next to him, back from chatting, and cuddled close, slipping an arm around Patton’s shoulders and squeezing gently.

“You alright, Pat?” he asked softly.  Patton almost felt himself break under the weight of the question and how much he wanted to tell the truth.  To tell him that no he wasn’t okay, wasn’t sure when he ever _could_ be okay when the only person he had ever loved didn’t love him back. 

“Of course, kiddo! I’m just a little tired,” he said instead.  He may not have known Virgil for that long, but he knew well enough that Virgil had his own problems to deal with.  The last thing he needed was Patton dumping his own pity party on top of that. 

Virgil seemed content with the answer as he snuggled closer, resting his head on Patton’s shoulder and closing his eyes, looking quite peaceful for once.  The sight almost brought a smile to Patton’s lips despite the pain he was feeling coursing through his entire being. 

“Hey, can I crash at yours tonight, Pat?  I don’t really feel like being on my own…” Virgil spoke quietly, his eyes still closed.  Patton closed his eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears of gratitude.  Without even knowing it, Virgil had given him exactly what he needed.

“Oh yes please, Virge!  Want to share the bed so we can cuddle?” he asked, trying not to let too much of his desperate hope seep into his voice.  Virgil chucked a little.

“Are you propositioning me, Pops?” he asked, unable to keep the little smirk from his face as he tried not to laugh.  Patton elbowed him sharply in the ribs as he also attempted to contain his laughter.

“Absolutely not, no funny business.  Strictly platonic snuggles or I will be FORCED to give you the bed and sleep on the couch,” Patton tried his best to look stern but Virgil was already giggling in that absolutely adorable way and then Patton was laughing too, even as he felt an ache inside his empty chest, wishing that Logan were still sitting there with them.

“Okay, we better go now.  The bar is closing soon and if I’m still here when that happens I’ll feel the need to do everything myself and we’ll be here all night,” Virgil murmured and Patton hummed in agreement. 

A few minutes later they were in a cab and sitting in companionable silence on the way back to Patton’s apartment, both of them tired and gradually sobering up.  They remained mostly quiet as they climbed out of the cab and made their way into the building and up to Patton’s door, where he fumbled with the key until Virgil took pity on him and did it himself.  Then they were changing and getting into the bed, not bothering to even turn on any of the lights.  Patton waited until Virgil was under the covers to slide in next to him and wait for him to confirm that he was in fact okay with cuddling. 

Just when he thought Virgil might have changed his mind, he grunted softly and sleepily, rolling onto his side and pulling Patton close to his chest, enveloping him in warmth and comfort.  It was late and he was tired and sad and no matter how hard he tried, how desperately he fought to keep them back, he couldn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks and the little sob that seemed to wrack his entire body.

“I’m so sorry, Pat,” Virgil whispered in the darkness, rubbing his hand gently up and down Patton’s back as he shook and cried.  “I didn’t know.  It only clicked when I saw your face as you watched him leave.  I’m so, so sorry,” Patton shook his head frantically before pressing his face tight to Virgil’s chest.  “We can talk in the morning, okay?” Virgil soothed, gently massaging his scalp with one hand while the other continued to run up and down his back.  Patton nodded, feeling all of the tense muscles in his body start to relax and soon enough he managed to fall asleep listening to Virgil’s deep and even breaths and feeling safe and warm in his friend’s arms.

 

 

 

 

Patton woke slowly, his head foggy and sore.  His eyelids felt heavy and all of his limbs seemed weighted and useless.  He groaned a little, reaching out for Virgil, remembering somewhere in his hazy mind that he had stayed over and they had fallen asleep cuddling.  Despite his groping he found no one else in the bed and he sighed at the little stab he felt in his chest like he did almost every morning when he woke up alone. 

With great effort he managed to roll onto his back and pry his eyes open to gaze at the blurry ceiling above him.  After a moments fumbling he came across his glasses on the nightstand, and then his phone.  It was ten thirty in the morning, late for him but early for Virgil.  Feeling the need to check up on his friend he forced himself out of bed and padded out into his cramped living room, swerving away from the coffee table out of habit as he went to avoid bruising his shin as he had so many times before. 

Now that he was out of his room he could smell the coffee brewing and the bacon sizzling in the pan.  Apparently Virge had decided to cook breakfast for them.  He smiled to himself as he wondered over to the little kitchen, watching Virgil cook, all long limbs and limited grace.  He felt a fond, warm glow in his chest, full of platonic love for the man before him. 

“Morning, Virge,” he greeted immediately regretting not announcing his presence with a cough or something as Virgil almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden noise.

“Geeze, Patton, are you trying to kill me?!” Patton grinned sheepishly as Virgil turned back to the pan, his shoulders hunched.  He looked tense.  Patton frowned trying to figure out why Virgil would be uncomfortable in his flat when he never had been before.  He shook his head, brushing it off as a reaction to his accidental jump-scare before he moved into the kitchen properly to set two mugs and two plates on the counter.

“Thanks for cooking, kiddo! I could have done it though!” he tried his best to sound cheery.  He didn’t want Virgil to know how much he was hurting after last night, he needed to make sure that no one would worry about him. 

“Nah its fine.  You needed the rest…” Virgil’s voice was low and cautious.  Patton felt that uneasy niggle again.  He frowned, trying to remember all the details of the night before.  He had in fact been much drunker than he realised at the time and he couldn’t quite remember much of what had happened once they got home.  He was sure they had just fallen asleep and that was it. 

“Is everything okay, Virge?” he asked almost hesitantly, still working to keep his tone happy and even.  Virgil glanced at him quickly before looking away again, fiddling with the pan as he turned off the burner and started dishing out their breakfast.

“Yeah, let’s eat,” Patton opened his mouth to protest but Virgil was already brushing past him, pressing a plate and a mug into his hands and striding into his living room before flopping down on the couch and downing what appeared to be half his coffee. 

Patton blinked and composed himself before shuffling after him, manoeuvring round the limited space to sit cautiously next to Virgil, making sure to leave some space between them even on this couch that had almost definitely been designed to be shared by guinea pigs and not people.  They ate in silence for a moment before Patton spoke.

“Listen, em, I’m really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable last night, I should have slept out here or - ”  Patton’s rambling was cut off by Virgil turning to him with wide, concerned eyes, frantically shaking his head and his hands at the same time.

“No, no, no, Patton!  Why would you think that, we’ve shared a bed loads of times!” he hastened to reassure him.  Patton felt a little of the tension in his chest dislodge as he smiled genuinely at Virgil, who offered a small smile in return. 

“Sorry, I’m probably just being silly,” he said, turning back to his breakfast.

“What d’you mean?” Virgil frowned, bending over a little to try and look at Patton’s face.

“You just seem a little… tense this morning.  I thought maybe it was my fault,” he confessed, looking down to try and hide the blush he could feel tinting his cheeks.

“What? No, Patton, it’s not your _fault_ , I just, eh… man, I just think maybe we should talk about last night?” Patton felt his brow furrow as he turned to look at Virgil, his face full of concern and nerves. 

“What happened last night that we need to talk about?” he asked slowly, trying frantically to remember what had happened before they went to bed.  Virgil’s lips pulled into a frown.

“Well, Logan, for starters?” he asked.  Patton felt his heart beat faster in his chest as alarm bells started ringing in his head.  Oh god. What had he said? What had he done?

“Wh... what about it?  He’s a big boy, he can do whatever he wants,” his voice came out wrong, strained and weak.  Virgil huffed an incredulous laugh.

“Are you shitting me?!”

“Language!”

“Patton!” Virgil snapped.  He jumped, looking up at Virgil at the almost angry tone he had adopted.  He was starting to sweat.  He wanted to wring his hands together, or tap the table, or play with his stim toy but he didn’t have anything on him.  He curled his hand into a fist, feeling the nails biting into his skin.  That would have to do for now. 

“What is going on?  Why are you avoiding this?” Virgil asked, his voice much calmer, softer now that Patton was staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Because I don’t know what you’re talking about?” he asked genuinely, terrified to hear the next words from Virgil’s lips. 

“I’m talking about the fact that last night I literally saw your heart break right before my eyes and then when we came back here you broke down and cried in my arms!” Virgil’s eyes were imploring, almost begging Patton not to deny it and as soon as he heard it he remembered.  How could he have forgotten that he had dragged Virgil into all of this? How could he have done something so utterly selfish and then forgotten about it only hours later?  Guilt and nausea churned in his stomach as he looked back up at Virgil, his dear friend, one of his two favourite people, and he bit back the tears that threatened to fall, swallowing his guilt and shame as he made one last attempt to brush it off.

“Oh that.  I was just drunk and lonely, that’s all! Nothing to worry about,” it was unconvincing.  Even in his own ears he could hear the pain in his voice.  Virgil glared at him and he knew it was over.  Virgil knew, and he wasn’t going to back down.  The weight of it settled on his shoulders and he weakened, letting silent tears roll down his cheeks as he wrapped his hands around his stomach, hunching in on himself as he waited for Virgil’s judgement, his anger, his rejection, all of it.

Instead, what came was comfort.  Suddenly, Virgil’s arms were around him, rocking both of them gently and soothing Patton with his deep, rumbling voice as he whispered words of support and care, stroking his hair gently and Patton began to cry in earnest as his heart burst with love and affection for his friend while it also ached for Logan and all that he could not have. 

Eventually his tears subsided, but they stayed as they were, Virgil still rocking them gently, until both his breathing and heartrate had returned more or less to normal. 

“How long?” Virgil asked, his voice quiet and soft. 

“Ten years at least,” he mumbled back.  Virgil squeezed him tighter for a moment.

“You love him?” he asked, so quiet, so gentle.  Patton sniffled.

“I love him,” it was the first time he had said it out loud to another person.  The weight of it settled heavily in his bones. 

“Does he…” Virgil paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “Does he know?” Patton shook his head slowly.

“I don’t think so.  He sees me as a friend.  He’s always seen me as a friend, and he always will,” there was a beat of silence, Virgil was entirely still, not even breathing for a moment before he spoke again.

“Could you, maybe… tell him?” the question hung heavily in the air as Patton allowed himself to imagine it, just for a moment.  He let his eyes fall closed and he saw them there, at Logan’s apartment or somewhere warm and bright with blue skies and gentle sunlight, Patton nervous but excited, shyly confessing his feelings and telling him everything.  And Logan smiling softly before sweeping him up in those strong but gentle arms, kissing him sweetly and telling him he loved him too and then they would kiss again.  And he saw it all, the whole life they could have together that he had pictured so many times before.  Walks in the sunshine holding hands, gentle kisses in the morning as they left for work, curling up together to watch documentaries, games of chess that Patton would pretend not to understand to make Logan laugh, a shared apartment with shared meals and shared memories, maybe even a proposal and a wedding and a marriage and a _child_ …

“No.”

Patton’s voice rang out resolutely in the quiet of the room, his illusion shattering as he opened his eyes to the cold, grey light of his reality.  A small, rundown apartment that he lived in alone, where he scraped to get by and he was _lucky_. Lucky to have Logan in his life at all, to be his friend.  He would never risk losing that.  He could never risk losing Logan.

Another scenario presented itself to him, where he confessed his feelings and he was met with indifference.  Cold, uncaring numbness that would soon turn sour and awkward, so much so that they would be unable to be around one another, unable to share the same laughs and casual touches because now they would be tainted with Patton’s _feelings_.  His unwanted, unnecessary, _unreturned_ feelings.  And he would watch as their friendship, his most treasured friendship, turned to dust before his eyes until Logan was only a memory, someone he used to know.

He couldn’t do it.  He wouldn’t do it.

Patton turned to look at Virgil, taking in his big, sad eyes full of concern and a want to understand, and he smiled sadly.

“I can’t tell him, Virge.  I can’t risk losing him,” he tone was final, his decision had been made long ago, and that wasn’t about to change. Virgil nodded sadly.

“For what it’s worth, I think you should,” he mumbled, looking away from Patton and fiddling with the hem of his shirt, one of Patton’s spares that he had slept in.  It was so small on him.  Patton sighed.

“I won’t.  And Virgil, you have to _promise_ me you won’t tell him either! Ever! No matter what happens, you cannot tell him!  Even if he asks you directly; lie to him,” Patton grabbed Virgil’s hand, causing him to look at him again.  He stared at him, trying to convey how important this was.  Virgil stared back in disbelief at what he had just said for a moment before nodding slowly. 

“I promise, Patton, no matter what happens, I won’t tell him.  But you should,” he squeezed Patton’s hand gently, and Patton squeezed back for a moment before pulling his hand back and sighing, pushing his glasses up into his curls to rub at his tired eyes. 

“I’m so sorry, kiddo.  I didn’t mean for you to find out,” he mumbled, leaning back against the lumpy cushions and lowering his glasses back over his eyes.  Virgil let out a little huff, almost a laugh, and Patton turned his head to look at him.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you should be sorry.  You’re always telling me it’s important to talk about feelings and shit, you do know that applies to you too, right?” he shot Patton an almost cheeky look, raising one eyebrow as a small smile tugged at Patton’s lips.

“Do as I say, not as I do, my sweet and sour shadowling!” he felt himself smile genuinely as Virgil actually did laugh this time. 

“Those are starting to get really weird, popstar,” he fired back, sticking his tongue out a little to hide his smile.  Patton grinned almost wickedly.

“Would you prefer if I called you… Virgey?” he asked, reaching out a hand to ruffle the soft purple hair.  Virgil yelped and tried to duck out of his reach before glowering at him.

“I hate that nickname,” he muttered looking sad and faraway for a moment before he came back to himself and ruffled Patton’s hair in retaliation.  Patton giggled, feeling it bubble up warmly in his chest as he tried to squirm away.

“Well, we have a whole Sunday ahead of us, what shall we do?” he asked, settling back down on his lumpy couch, right next to Virgil this time, leaning his head on his friend's shoulder.  Virgil made a show of tapping one finger on his chin as he pretended to think.

“Hmmmm, hot chocolate and Disney marathon?” he asked, Patton felt that same warm glow in his chest.

“Perfect.”

And as they sat there, in his small, crappy apartment, laughing and joking and drinking hot chocolate and watching their favourite movies, for just a little while, everything was perfect. 

Despite the situation, happiness had found a way in, and somehow even in all his sadness and loneliness and fear,

Patton smiled.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I'm sorry okay? I didn't know when I sat down to write this fic that all this angst would come out. Frankly, I'm just as upset as you are. Please file your complaints elsewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his one night stand, Logan feels, for lack of a better word, icky. He has a conversation with Virgil in an attempt to sort through his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT is UP EVERYbody?! Here's another chapter for y'all! Your comments are really spurring me on and I think I'm getting into the swing of it now! (and now that I've said that it will probably be another hundred years until the next chapter...)

Logan woke slowly, his head heavy and throbbing.  With some effort he pried his eyes open only to be assaulted by harsh grey daylight burning his irises.  He blinked a few times, taking in the blurred figure of the stranger beside him.  He felt an unpleasant twist in his stomach.  Quickly he rolled onto his back and sat up, ignoring the spinning in his head as he searched frantically for his glasses, almost taking his own eye out when he found them and rammed them onto his face. 

He glanced round the room, taking in the neatness and organisation of everything in it, apart from their clothes from last night strewn across the floor.  He grimaced as he forced himself out of the bed, wincing at the slight ache in his muscles as he did so.  The other man, his name already forgotten, shifted in his sleep, grunting a little and Logan froze, trying desperately not to wake him.  All he wanted was to leave.  When the other’s breathing returned to a normal sleep pattern Logan carefully began picking up his clothes, making sure he had his wallet, phone and keys too, before creeping out of the bedroom and into the unfamiliar bathroom to get dressed. 

He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment, taking in the violent purple hickey on his neck, the bags under his eyes, his hair a tangled mess.  He felt that awful twist in his stomach again.  How did Virgil _do_ this on a semi-regular basis?  He immediately shook himself, banishing that thought and the others that may follow it before washing as best he could in the sink and then pulling his clothes on, gritting his teeth in discomfort now and then when he bent too much or moved his legs too quickly.  Oh, this was awful. 

As soon as he was dressed he crept back out into the cramped hallway and made his way to the front door, finding his shoes there he slipped them on and then tried the door.  To his delight, it was open.  Feeling an uncharacteristic need to praise some kind of deity in his gratitude, he closed the door as quietly as he could behind him before practically bolting down the hall, ignoring the burning pain in his ass, and throwing himself into the elevator.

As soon as he exited the building he was desperate for a shower, but even more so he wanted to speak to someone and try to figure out why he was feeling so uncomfortable and, for lack of a better word, icky.  He had been walking for almost three minutes before he realised that he didn’t recognise any of these streets and he had absolutely no idea where he was.  God, how could he have been so stupid?! Grumbling to himself he pulled out his phone and glowered at it as he tapped into google maps.

Fifteen minutes later he was on a train home, trying not to squirm in discomfort in his seat and regretting his decision not to stand for the journey.  He pulled out his phone again and began tapping to Patton’s contact information but just as he was about to hit call he paused. 

Never before had he hesitated to call Patton when something was amiss, but this time… The image of Patton smiling sadly the night before flashed across his mind.  He sighed before clicking away from Patton’s information and looking for Virgil’s instead. 

Patton was disappointed in him, he was sure of it.  His view of Logan was surely tainted now with the knowledge that in his drunken desperation he had willingly gone home with the first person who showed even the slightest interest in him, had let them use him as they pleased, and then run away as soon as he was able.  He was pathetic and Patton had seen it and clearly thought so, too.  That was the only explanation for his sadness the night before.

Logan felt hot shame and guilt twist in his stomach again.  He had made a fool of himself in front of Patton, and almost definitely lowered himself in his estimations.  It would not do to call Patton now and bother him with his self-pity.  But Virgil would understand, he thought.  Virgil had encouraged him so clearly he wasn’t disgusted by his actions.  And maybe he could shed some light on why he wasn’t feeling even remotely satisfied now. 

He listened as the phone rang, hoping desperately that Virgil would pick up, but it rang out.  He sighed, getting up and wincing as the train rolled to a stop at his station.  Just as he entered his flat his phone buzzed with a message from Virgil.

**From Virgil:**

_Sorry I missed you, at Pat’s having a movie day.  You okay?_

Logan sighed before typing out a quick response inviting Virgil over when he was done before he got in the shower and stayed their far longer than necessary, trying to wash away the memory of what he had done.

 

 

 

“Hey, Lo- woah! You look like hell, are you okay?” Virgil’s eyes widened in concern as he looked at Logan.  Logan just shook his head curtly before pulling his door open further and moving to the side to let Virgil in.  He watched as Virgil shuffled past him and into his living room, plonking himself down on the sofa and looking around when Logan joined him, apparently trying to assess Logan’s emotional state as best he could just from his appearance.

“Logan, what’s wrong, are you alright?”

“Physically, I am fine.  However, I can’t help but think that I may have made a mistake last night,” Virgil’s eyes went wide.

“How do you mean?” he asked cautiously.  He seemed to be watching Logan very closely, causing him to shift a little uncomfortably. 

“I couldn’t help but note this morning that I felt very unfulfilled, I was in fact quite disgusted with myself, and I wanted to ask you how you normally feel after these… encounters,” he trailed off, looking away from Virgil again in an attempt to hide his shame as his cheeks burned in embarrassment.

“Oh, eh…” Logan looked up to see Virgil looking into his lap now, fiddling with the zips on his hoodie sleeves.  Somehow that small action seemed to help Logan relax just a little.  This was Virgil, after all, one of his best friends.  He would not be unkind to him. 

“I apologise, if you are uncomfortable talking about this-” Virgil waved him off before he could finish, looking up at him.

“No no, it’s not that. I just thought you were going to say something else that’s all.  Well, honestly Lo, it kind of depends.  There have been times when I’ve felt awesome after a one night stand, there have been times when it’s been just kind of, meh, and then there have been times when it’s been really, really shit.  Where I’ve woken up in the morning and really hated myself and have wanted nothing more than to go back and undo it.  I guess I should have mentioned that before pushing you to do it, I… I’m so sorry Logan,”

Logan was not one for much physical affection most of the time, but in that moment he wanted only to be close to Virgil and to comfort him and make sure that he knew he had no reason to be sorry.  Instead of attempting to put this impulse into words, he shifted closer to Virgil on the couch and, slowly so as to give him time to deny the contact, he gently wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a hug, hoping it would convey all that he was feeling.

Virgil responded immediately, hugging him back and Logan felt an immense relief wash over him.  They stayed like that for a little while, enjoying the closeness and warmth.  Eventually, Logan pulled away and got up to make them both a cup of coffee. 

“Any idea why the whole thing made you feel so gross?” Virgil asked after they had sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, each sipping their drink.  Logan frowned as he thought. 

“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure.  It just felt uncomfortable and somehow wrong.  I can’t stop thinking about what Patton must think of me,” Virgil stilled for a moment before blinking slowly and taking a long drink of his coffee.

“Hmm. Do you think Patton will think less of you for it?” he asked lowly, still not looking at Logan.  He frowned again, looking into his own coffee as if he might find the answer there in the blackness.

“I know he does,” he admitted.  Virgil’s head snapped up at that.

“What? I don’t think that’s true!” he hastened to reassure him but Logan just sighed, resolute in his certainty.

“I could see he was disappointed last night.  He expected more of me,” he said firmly, finally looking up at Virgil again.  Virgil opened his mouth, looking almost angry but then he closed it again, gritting his teeth a little in apparent frustration.  Virgil took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak again.

“Even if that were true, which it isn’t, by the way, but even if it were; why does it matter so much what Patton thinks of your sex life?” Virgil’s eyes were burning into him now as he watched him carefully, completely unmoving.  He wasn’t even blinking.  Logan felt slightly unnerved to say the least.

“He’s my best friend!  Of course it matters,” Virgil was already shaking his head.

“I’m your best friend too, were you worried about what I would think?” Logan frowned, shifting uncomfortably under Virgil’s intense gaze.

“No,” he said slowly.  Virgil nodded once before moving a little closer.

“So, why does it matter if _Patton_ is sad about it?” he asked.  Logan’s heart was beating a little fast now and there was a pause as he tried to sort through his frantic thoughts to find the logical answer.  There was _always_ a logical answer.

“Because I’ve known him longer?” he offered, his voice a little weak even in his own ears. Virgil shook his head immediately and Logan groaned in frustration.  Why did everyone always insist on talking about feelings instead of thoughts? A little voice in the back of his head pointed out that he had invited Virgil over to have this conversation in the first place, but he chose to ignore it for the sake of his own pride. 

“What’s your reasoning then?” Logan demanded a little sharply, some of his frustration seeping into his voice, but Virgil only shook his head again.

“No, I want you to get there yourself.  It needs to come from you,” Logan huffed in irritation and almost folded his arms and turned away from Virgil like a petulant child.  He couldn’t help it though, he couldn’t bare not understanding something! He huffed again just for good measure.

“Because Patton is special to me,” he conceded.  It was certainly true, Patton was probably more precious to him than anyone else.  But that was normal, wasn’t it?  Everyone felt that way about their best friend, he was sure.  Virgil was nodding now and Logan was naïve enough for a moment to think that that was the end of it.

“Okay, why is Patton so special?” Virgil asked, leaning even closer now.  Logan racked his brain once again for a logical response but his usual calm and collected reasoning seemed to have abandoned him.

“Because we have shared many experiences together.  He is my oldest friend and has cared for me and treated me with kindness and patience.  He is sweet and gentle to a fault, he always puts other’s needs before his, even when we were younger and he could have been friends with anyone he still chose me, has continued to do so for all of our lives.  He has always been there for me, he is my dearest friend.  That’s why he is special,” Logan sighed upon finishing his speech.  That was incredibly sentimental and he was absolutely _sure_ that Virgil would leave it there.  But no.

“Good, good.  I have another question for you, how would _you_ feel if it had been Patton who had gone home with someone and had a one night stand?” Logan couldn’t help but grimace just at the thought of it.  He fought the urge to physically shake himself in an attempt to rid his mind of the idea.

“…I would feel, uncomfortable, I suppose…” Logan felt a twinge of guilt at admitting such a thing, but Virgil was nodding excitedly now, running a hand through his hair and causing his bangs to fall into disarray in the process. 

“Why?” he pressed.

“I don’t know…”

“Does the thought gross you out cause you think Patton is ugly?” Logan’s head snapped up as he felt his cheeks flush.

“No! Not at all, Patton is very attractive, you’d have to be a fool to think otherwise!”

“Then why does it make you uncomfortable?” Logan felt a blush creeping up his neck now.  Why on earth was Virgil asking all these questions?  What was he trying to prove?

“I’m not sure, Virgil!  I suppose I don’t like the idea of someone touching him like that…”

“Why?” Logan groaned in frustration.  Virgil was almost behaving like a child as well!  Asking why over and over and over again.  It was as if he were actively trying to get a rise out of him. 

“I don’t know, okay!” Logan snapped and this time Virgil groaned, grabbing at his own hair in frustration.

“Oh my god, this is like pulling teeth!” he yelled, moving his hands down to glare at Logan.  “I can’t take this, I’m going to have to tell you, you’re never going to get it!  Honestly, Logan, you are the dumbest smart person I have ever met in my entire goddamn life,” Logan glowered at him in response.

“What on earth are you talking about?!” Virgil took a deep breath, pressing his hands together almost as if in prayer before pointing them at Logan and giving him a stern and somewhat frightening look.

“Logan Sanders. You. Are. In. Love. With. Patton. Foster.”   

They sat in silence for a moment.  Perhaps a few minutes.  Or hours.  It might have been several sunlit days.  Logan couldn’t tell.  Time was a construct and everything in his entire being had just ground to a halt. 

“What?” was all he managed, his voice weak.

“You’re in love with Patton,” Virgil repeated, his voice much softer this time, his eyes gentle.  Logan blinked. 

“Of course I’m not,” it came out wrong, all shaky and a little high.  Virgil reached out and placed a hand on Logan’s shoulder, squeezing in comfort.  Logan looked down at it for a moment, staring at Virgil’s chipped nail polish.  He had only just noticed it was there.  How long had Virgil been painting his nails black?  And how long had Logan gone without noticing?  Why did Virgil let it get so badly chipped before repainting it?  And why was he focusing on this tiny detail instead of the ridiculous, preposterous and frankly _silly_ statement Virgil had made?

“Lo?” Virgil’s soft, gentle voice pulled him back and he looked up, feeling his heart pounding in his chest.  “Based on everything you just told me, and how you light up every time you see Patton?  You really are in love with him, and I think you probably have been for a long time,” he said softly. 

“But… the way I feel about Patton, that’s how you’re supposed to feel about your best friend, isn’t it?” he was so confused, his head was hurting.  Could he really have gotten the meaning of his feelings wrong for such a long time? Virgil smiled a little.

“Do you feel that way about me?” he asked quietly.  Slowly, Logan shook his head. “Have you ever felt that way about anyone else in your life?” again, Logan shook his head. 

“For a long time, he was my only friend,” Logan paused and swallowed around the lump in his throat, “So it seems I may have mistaken lo… these feelings for friendship.  Perhaps for many years,” as the words left him Virgil nodded encouragingly and Logan felt something like relief course through him. 

He sighed and flopped back on the couch, trying to take in this new information.  Could it be true?  Was he really in love with Patton?  He allowed himself for a moment to imagine it.  He pictured Patton before him, smiling up at him all rosy and happy as he often was.  He felt a smile tug at his lips just at the thought.  He focused, trying to make the image as real as possible.  He imagined cupping Patton’s face in his larger hands, brushing his thumbs gently over high cheekbones and Patton would giggle at that.  He imagined leaning closer, smiling all the while, and pressing their lips together, softly, the barest of touches. 

At once his heart exploded with emotion.  He felt a tight longing in his chest, a pull towards it, everything in his body and soul was screaming _YES_ and good _god_ how could he have been so blind?!

“Oh god, Virge,” he murmured, sensing Virgil perking up as he spoke. “I’m in love with Patton,” Virgil sighed in relief, slumping lower on the couch.

“Thank god you’ve realised. It only took you a decade,” he deadpanned.

“No, Virgil, I’m in _love_ with _Patton_!” Logan grabbed Virgil’s upper arms, forcing him to look at him as his eyes widened in panic.

“Yes,” Virgil confirmed, evidently trying hard not to laugh.

“WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!” Logan yelled, losing all of his composure and shaking Virgil a little.  When he finally stopped shaking him and let go of his arms, Virgil smirked.  Slowly he rubbed his hands together before cracking his knuckles loudly, causing Logan to wince.

“There’s only one thing to do, Logan.  You’ve got to tell him.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY HERE WE GO!!! THE USELESS GAYS HAVE BOTH FIGURED IT OUT IT ONLY TOOK THEM TEN YEARS!!!
> 
> It *should* be a bit less angsty from now on, and more funny/frustrating as we move into the wonderful world of Mutual Pining. 
> 
> Remember they're both stubborn and gay so it'll still be a while before they get their act together! 
> 
> Roast me if you see a typo, cowards.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil tries to come up with a plan to get his useless gay best friends to admit that they love each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you are, fellow famders, a short chapter but a chapter nonetheless. 
> 
> Please somebody help Virgil, he doesn't deserve this.

Virgil Mason was feeling nothing short of extremely grumpy.  He had had a long week with not enough customers and two best friends who, it turns out, were absolute goddamn idiots. 

 

Only yesterday both of those idiots had confessed their love for one another.  But they had confessed it to him, not to each other.  One had done so only because he realised that Virgil had already figured it out, and the other had essentially needed to have it spelt out for him.  No, in fact, Virgil had LITERALLY spelled it out for him. 

And for some unknown reason _both_ of them had made him promise not to tell the other under any circumstances. 

 

Virgil groaned in frustration as he angrily washed another glass, aiming a kick at his broken dishwasher as he did so.  At least it was the middle of the day and no one was in his bar right now… again…

He thought back over last night, trying to take it all in.  Patton and Logan were madly in love with each other, Patton had known for about five years but was utterly convinced that Logan did not love him back.  Logan was in the dark about his feelings until yesterday, and was now trying to come to terms with them while at the same time insisting that it was impossible for Patton to harbour similar feelings towards himself on the basis that Patton was so “emotionally intelligent” he surely would have acted on them by now if he did have such feelings.

 

Virgil wanted to scream.  He had tried to explain to Logan that, actually, even though Patton _was_ very emotionally intelligent, he was also extremely insecure and didn’t think he was worthy of Logan’s affections.  Logan had scoffed at that and told him it was completely impossible and then made Virgil promise not to tell Patton about this under any circumstances.  He wished desperately that he could somehow make Logan understand that Patton didn’t see himself the way Logan saw him, and that’s why he didn’t think he deserved to be with him. 

If he was going to get anywhere with the two of them, he was essentially going to have to lock them in a cupboard together and refuse to let them out until they talked to one another. 

 _That’s actually not a bad idea…_ he thought before he remembered Patton’s claustrophobia and dismissed it.  Okay, so not locking them in closets. To be fair, all three of them had spent enough of their lives in the closet and he wasn’t cruel enough to send any of them back in, even if it was for the greater good.

 

He would just have to think of something else then.  He frowned as he considered googling How To Stage An Intervention Between Two Love-Struck Idiots.  He sighed as he attacked yet another glass as though it had personally come to his house and told him his shoes didn’t match the rest of his outfit.  The best he could do for now was to keep assuring them both, without actually telling them, and to drop hints.

And _maybe_ to try his best to get them alone in as many romantic scenarios as possible and hope that both of them would somehow overcome their own idiocy and act on it.

 

The outlook was not hopeful.

 

 

*****

 

 

 

Patton looked in the mirror and smiled a little.  He was wearing dark pants that hugged his legs nicely, he had even managed to iron the pleat in them properly, and a plain white dress shirt and his more square-shaped glasses.  He felt a little bit more confident than usual, although he was still a little nervous about seeing Logan.  He hadn’t seen him since the night in Virgil’s bar a few days ago, and this morning Virgil had messaged their group chat with an emergency.  His mother was coming to town for a visit with his incredibly posh grandmother and they were expecting Virgil to take them for a meal at a nice restaurant with some friends, so naturally he had asked Logan and Patton to be those friends, and they were more than happy to oblige.

And now he was all dressed up to go to a fancy restaurant with two of his favourite people.  He was sure that Virgil wouldn’t have broken his promise and said anything to Logan so, really, this night should be no different than any other outing between the three of them, with the exception of Virgil’s mom and grandma being there. 

Patton checked the time again before quickly finishing getting ready and breezing out of his flat to catch the train into town. 

 

 

“Salutations, Patton, I think we are the first to arrive,” Logan greeted him warmly, his eyes gentle and kind as always.  Patton smiled back, offering a quick hug which he didn’t allow to linger despite how much he enjoyed having Logan’s arms around him.

“It seems like it! Any word from Virgil?” he asked brightly, feeling glad that their relationship didn’t seem at all damaged by the events in the bar.  Clearly, Virgil hadn’t said anything and Patton felt the tension in his shoulders practically melt away.  Logan nodded, gesturing for Patton to enter the restaurant ahead of him.

“He said if we got here first to go ahead and secure the table, it’s under his name,” Logan’s voice was low and pleasant and Patton allowed it to wash over him as he smiled, stepping into the restaurant and taking in his surroundings. 

The place was a pretty normal size, Patton thought, though it looked bigger due to the huge mirrors lining the far wall.  There was lots of tables, but each had plenty of space between them for the well-dressed waiters to sweep in and out.  Heavy cream table cloths covered each table and candles adorned them too.  There were fairly lights strung up across the ceiling and down the two pillars that marked the entrance, glowing softly and giving a warm light.  Patton noticed that there were also pretty pink flowers on every table, and some more by the front door.  They were sweet-smelling and lovely to look at.  Patton wanted to put one in his hair. 

He looked around and realised that while he’d been distracted, Logan had already given Virgil’s name and they were now being shown to their table. 

“This place is nice!” He commented as they took their seats and started perusing the menu, mostly for something to do while they waited.  Logan hummed in response.

“An interesting place for Virgil’s grandmother to choose,” Logan was still looking at the menu and Patton couldn’t help but gaze at him.  The soft lighting made him look especially handsome, his hazel eyes warm, his lips pulled into a half smile.  He was wearing a suit and it fit him so well it had nearly knocked the breath out of him when he saw him. 

 

They chatted idly for five minutes, and then ten, and then fifteen before Patton’s tummy rumbled so loudly that Logan heard it.  Patton giggled as Logan pulled out his phone to check his messages.  He frowned at his phone before tapping a quick reply and slipping it back in his pocket.

“What’s the sitch, Teach?” Patton asked merrily, trying hard to ignore his protesting tummy.

“Virgil is, obviously, running late.  He says we should just order and they’ll catch up when they get here.”

“We can’t do that!” as he spoke, Patton’s tummy rumbled loud enough for the lady at the next table to hear.  She turned and glared at him, before going back to her meal.  Patton flushed as Logan stared daggers at the back of her head.

“I think perhaps under the circumstances, we should order,” he offered quietly once he was done staring angrily at the lady, his expression melting back into softness as he looked at Patton. 

For a moment, Patton froze as he watched Logan’s face, his eyes turned soft and almost, well, adoring as he looked at him, his cheeks a little rosy and his lips quirked up in an almost smile.  But before he could think anything of it, his stomach rumbled again and he turned sharply, grabbing the attention of the nearest waiter and ordering half the menu. 

 

They chatted and ate for almost forty minutes, each sipping wine and enjoying the delicious food and the pleasant company.  It was only when Patton had finished his (second) starter that he remembered why they were supposed to be here.

“What on earth has happened to Virgil? I hope his Grandmother is okay.” Logan didn’t respond but reached for his phone again frowning as he read the message.

“It looks like they won’t be joining us after all,” he said slowly.  Patton felt his eyebrows draw together.

“Oh! Why not?” Logan shook his head curtly.

“He just said something came up and the three of them can’t make it.  He offers his sincerest apologies,” Logan slipped his phone back in his pocket and looked at Patton, reaching around to rub at the back of his neck as he spoke.  “I don’t suppose, since we’re already here, you’d like to stay and finish our meal?” he seemed almost nervous as he asked, his eyes flitting around, as if he were somehow afraid that Patton might say no.  He smiled as he reached out and took his best friend’s hand, squeezing gently.

“Of course, I’d love that.”

 

 

 

“You really didn’t have to walk me home, Logan, it’s going to take ages for you to get back to your apartment now!” Patton complained half-heartedly as the pair arrived at his door, Logan carrying the box of leftovers from the restaurant at his own insistence.  Patton fumbled for his keys in his bag, feeling full and happy and warm from good food and sweet wine and the best company. 

“It’s no problem at all, Patton.  I will rest easier having ensured your safety,” Logan’s voice was even and calm, but his eyes were warm and his expression was open and Patton almost sighed in contentment. 

“Well it means a lot to me, do you want to come in for some tea?” he asked, turning the lock and pushing the door open before turning around again.  Logan smiled at him, so gentle, so warm, and he was standing very close, holding the little box of their leftovers in both hands and gazing down at Patton. 

“I would love to but, as you pointed out, it will take me some time to get home, and I have a lot of writing to do tomorrow,” Patton nodded, smiling up at Logan again.

“Okay, well, good night then,” his voice sounded soft in his own ears as he looked into Logan’s eyes.  He could feel his cheeks burning a little as he blushed.

“Good night, Patton,” Logan murmured in response.  His eyes flicked down to Patton’s lips before returning to his eyes and then he was leaning closer and for one wild second Patton forgot everything he had ever known, everything he had been telling himself was completely impossible for the last five years because here he was, the man he loved was about to kiss him and –

 

Patton felt Logan press the box of leftovers into his hands.

 

And then he was stepping back.  The cold rushed in everywhere as Patton ducked his head to hide both his flaming cheeks and his stomach twisting in pain as he came crashing back to reality. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Logan’s voice was low and, with a curt nod, he turned and swept down the corridor, his head ducked and his stride determined.  Patton watched him go with wide eyes before allowing a tear to slip past. 

He quickly wiped it away and pushed his way into his apartment, settling in for another long and lonely night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is it that every time I write from Patton's perspective it comes out as ANGST?!?!?!
> 
> ROAST ME IF YOU SEE A TYPO, COWARDS!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan attempts to deal with how ridiculously in love with Patton he is while Virgil continues his attempts to make something happen between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg guys, Logan is so in love it hurts! 
> 
> Lot of drinking in this chapter, just to warn you!

Logan was having what he was sure Virgil would call a full on Gay Panic. 

He had just spent his evening at a fancy restaurant with the love of his life, chatting and laughing and generally having a wonderful time and now they were outside Patton’s door saying goodbye and his rational brain had, apparently, decided to just check out.  Because all that was left was the part that was screaming at him reminding him that Patton was pretty much the most beautiful person on the planet and that he should just _KISS HIM NOW YOU IDIOT!_

 

“Okay, well, good night then,” Patton was saying as they stood in front of his door, his cheeks flushed prettily.  Logan smiled, looking into those eyes that were so familiar to him. And yet, in light of his recent revelation, he had become unable to stop staring, trying to memorise each individual colour within, to document the exact position of every freckle, to know by heart exactly where his glasses sat on his lovely face, where each curl fell from day to day. 

It was all too much.  He was too beautiful and Logan was sure it was going to kill him.

 

“Good night, Patton,” he murmured in response.  His eyes flicked down to Patton’s lips, observing how they looked perfectly soft and so inviting, before he looked back into his eyes.  And for one wild moment, all of his fears and concerns were forgotten as he leaned closer, close enough to smell all of the sweetness and sugar that was Patton, close enough to hear his breath hitch and watch his pupils dilate and this was it, he was going to kiss him and-

 

He saw Patton’s eyes widen in surprise, his whole body froze and reality came crashing down on him as he realised what he was about to do.

So instead he pressed the box of leftovers he had clutched in his sweaty hands into Patton’s waiting arms and stepped back.

 

“I’ll see you soon,” he said lowly, unable to look at Patton in his shame.  He nodded once, briskly, before making his escape, walking away as quickly as he could without actually running. 

Embarrassment came flooding in as he waited for the elevator.  He had just almost tried to kiss his best friend of ten years without stopping to ask how he felt, without considering their friendship or what Patton wanted, he was a goddamn _fool._

He groaned aloud as he stepped into the elevator, banging his head on the mirrored wall once he selected the ground floor.  Had he gone ahead with his brashness and actually kissed Patton he could have ruined everything.  Patton was clearly shocked when he leaned that close, he was sure that he would have offended him and even though sweet, kind, caring Patton would almost certainly have gone to great lengths to reassure him, comfort him even, it would still be there.  The rejection.  The absence of returned feelings.  And then Patton would _know_ how he felt and forever their friendship would be tainted, _ruined_ by Logan’s foolishness, his selfishness.  He couldn’t bear the thought of it.  He would have to be more careful in the future.

 

When he finally made it back to his own apartment he collapsed on the bed, staring up at his ceiling.  How he wished he could go back and undo that night, to forget about all of this and go back to loving Patton without knowing it. 

There is no greater torture, he was sure, than being in unrequited love with your best friend while simultaneously being aware of it. 

He thought back over his conversation with Virgil, when his anxious friend had tried to convince him that the best course of action was to confess his feelings to Patton.  He seemed very sure that Patton was also harbouring feelings of affection but it couldn’t be so.  Virgil had known Patton for ten months, Logan had known him for ten _years_.  If he were somehow in love with Logan, he would have told him by now. 

He sighed and rolled over.  He would have to get up again and conduct a proper bedtime routine, it would hardly do to go to sleep in his suit, and still he could barely muster the will to do it.  All he wanted was to kiss Patton.  To hold him close, to keep him safe and warm, to laugh and talk with him as they always did, to spend the night with him and wake up by his side and to live their lives together.  But it was impossible.  So instead he dragged himself out of bed and got changed, resigning himself to another long and lonely night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Logan woke feeling groggy, having managed very little sleep.  Vaguely, he wondered what Patton and Virgil were doing that day and if he would see them.

Slowly, he dragged himself out of bed and began his morning routine, shuffling through it like a zombie until he sat down to begin writing, forcing his brain to switch on as he worked.

After roughly five hours of rather intense work, he received a text from Virgil asking if he wanted to come in to the bar to keep him company since it was apparently very quiet.  Feeling unable to work any longer he decided it was probably for the best.

 

Logan spotted Virgil behind the bar almost as soon as he pushed through the heavy glass door and headed straight towards him.  Virgil grunted a greeting as he sat down on a bar stool, waiting for his friend to finish serving drinks.  As he looked around he couldn’t help but notice that, actually, the bar wasn’t at all quiet, it was in fact very busy.

He waited another ten minutes before Virgil finally made it over to him.

“Hey, how was dinner?” he asked quickly, his eyes wide and watching Logan closely.  Logan frowned

“It was lovely,” he said slowly “Is your Grandmother okay?” he asked, eyeing Virgil.  He shrugged, over-nonchalant.

“She’s fine now, but nothing noteworthy happened at dinner?” he pushed.  Logan frowned now, unsure what Virgil was getting at.

“No, nothing out of the ordinary,” Virgil seemed to deflate with this information before immediately perking up again, looking over Logan’s shoulder and smiling a little.  Logan turned to see Patton coming through the door.  He was apparently having a more feminine day, dressed in a soft-looking grey blouse and a knee length black skirt, a thick woollen cardigan swamping his tiny form and his chocolate curls pulled back on one side, held with a little grey bow. 

Logan felt his mouth go dry.  How could one human person look so completely beautiful?

Patton smiled warmly when he reached them, perching himself on the stool next to Logan and pulling his cardigan closer round his middle, looking so small and soft.  Logan felt an uncomfortable stab of pain in his chest, he was so completely in love with Patton, he realised that now.  Every meeting was a stark and painful reminder, a wake-up call to what he had ignored for years. 

He sighed and looked away as Virgil set two cocktails in front of them.

“What’s in these, Virge?” Patton asked brightly, pulling his drink a little closer to himself.

“Alcohol,” was all Virgil offered before he was called away to serve more drinks.  Logan reached for his own drink, taking a sip and noting that it was quite delicious.

“How are you today, Patton?” he asked after a moment, hoping his smile didn’t betray his longing and affection.  Patton smiled again and it was like the fucking sun coming out from behind clouds and oh god, Logan _hated_ this.

“I’m fine, thanks! I had a great day with the kiddies today, we played lots of really fun games and I think soon I’ll actually get to read to them in Story Time instead of just observing,” Patton’s eyes went warm and soft whenever he spoke about the children with whom he worked and Logan was struck again by how much he admired this man. 

 

They chatted idly for an hour, maybe two, with Virgil reappearing now and then with more deliciously fruity cocktails.  Every time Logan hit the bottom of his glass he found another one in front of him seconds later, always with Virgil grinning slightly manically before dashing off again. 

He wasn’t sure how much he had drank, but he was certainly feeling very relaxed and happy.  Everything was so nice.  Virgil’s bar was so nice, the drinks were so nice, Patton’s face was so nice.  And Patton’s knee pressed firmly against his own was really, _really_ nice. Patton was also giggling now and, yes, Logan liked that very much.  Somewhere in his slightly hazy mind he thought to himself that he would like to make Patton giggle again somehow.

“We should play a game!” Patton was saying and Logan found himself nodding, his expression serious.  This was serious after all, if Patton wanted to play a game then he must oblige, Patton’s happiness was of the utmost importance.

“I agree, Patton, what game shall we play?” he asked, speaking slowly to annunciate all his words.

“Okay, okay, how about this? Let’s play charades!” Patton gestured broadly as he spoke and wobbled dangerously on the high bar stool.  Alarm bells rang in Logan’s head as he reached out and took Patton’s hand to steady him.

“Perhaps a less… physical game for the moment?” he suggested calmly.  Patton grinned sheepishly before nodding, squeezing Logan’s hand once before he withdrew his own.  Logan fought the urge to pout at the loss of contact.

“What about….. This. Let’s do a Best Friends Test. We can each ask the other three questions, something we should know about each other but may have forgotten.  If we get it wrong, we have to take a shot and honestly answer any question the other asks?” Patton’s cheeks were flushed with his high level of alcohol intake but he had stopped swaying now and his gaze was steady as he looked at Logan, and that alone was enough for Logan to agree.

“Okay.  This was your idea, so you can go first,” he took another sip of his drink and waited while Patton drummed the bar surface with his fingers, apparently thinking.  Abruptly he sat up straight, turning to Logan with a sly little grin on his face.  Logan couldn’t help but smile, pleased that Patton was seemingly already having fun, which is what he had wanted.

“When was the first time you saw me wearing a dress?” Patton looked triumphant but Logan merely scoffed and shook his head.

“Come on, Patton, at least make it somewhat challenging!” he smirked before recalling the day in question quite clearly “It was when we were seventeen, in June.  It was very hot that day and we had planned to go to the beach anyway and you arrived at my house at the appointed time wearing a sundress,” he finished, nodding once at Patton before promptly downing the rest of his drink and smiling happily. 

When he looked again Patton was staring at him with wide eyes, his mouth fallen open in surprise.

“What?” Logan felt his cheeks turning red under the intense gaze.  Patton shook his head a little frantically before drinking more.

“I’m just… surprised you remembered that so quickly,” he murmured before smiling brightly.  Logan relaxed and smiled back.  “I believe it is my turn to ask a question?” Patton nodded, fiddling with the paper straw in his cocktail. 

Logan thought for a moment, looking back over their friendship and trying to find a suitably challenging memory.  He grinned when one finally came to him.

“In middle school which wrist did I break when you were trying to teach me how to roller blade?” he felt his smile soften as Patton scrunched up his nose, evidently thinking hard.  Slowly, Patton stretched both of his arms out in front of him, inspecting each of his wrists carefully and slowly moving from side to side, apparently re-enacting the moment in his head. 

Abruptly he clapped both his hands together, turning to Logan with a pleased smile

“Right! It was your right wrist!” he practically shouted.  Logan smiled and nodded, unable to tear his gaze away from Patton’s lovely smile, all pleased and happy.  Suddenly his smile turned sheepish “I’m still sorry about that, by the way,” he said.  Logan shook his head, the fondness in his chest unbridled.

“You have long been forgiven,” Patton’s smile turned happy again and Logan turned to the bar to find that once again his empty drink had been replaced with a new one.  He frowned slightly as he took it, wondering how much they were going to owe Virgil by the end of the night.  

“Okay, it’s my turn again!” Patton swung his legs back and forth on the stool in his excitement, his huge cardigan slipping off one shoulder.  Without thinking Logan reached out and righted it, lifting the soft material and placing it gently back on his delicate frame.  He looked back up to see Patton staring at him again, his cheeks dusted with the prettiest pink, his eyes wide. 

Logan coughed and drew back, reaching for his cocktail and taking a long drink. 

“Eh… okay, em,” Patton shook his head, evidently trying to think of a question.  “Oh, okay, do you remember my Nanna’s name?  The one I spent two summers with in California?” Logan nodded, closing his eyes for a moment as he tried to remember.

“I believe her name is Annette,” he said finally, smiling as Patton nodded again. 

“I think we’re a little too good at this game, Logan,” he said, swaying a little on his stool.  Logan nodded in agreement.  “Do you want to keep going?” Patton asked, yawning just after he spoke.  Logan smiled to himself as Patton’s eyelids fluttered.  Clearly he had abruptly become very tired due to his intoxication. 

“I think not, Patton, shall we go home?” he suggested instead.  Patton nodded sleepily, sliding off the barstool onto shaky legs, the movement lifting his skirt a little.  Logan looked away sharply, his cheeks flaming suddenly.  Patton giggled and stumbled into him as Logan stood.  He sighed and wrapped an arm around Patton’s waist to hold him steady, looking around the bar to catch Virgil’s eye and wave to indicate they were leaving. 

When he caught Virgil’s eye he was positively beaming, giving Logan a big thumbs up.  Logan raised an eyebrow in confusion before shaking his head and helping Patton as they made their way out of the bar and towards Patton’s apartment.

 

Patton was apparently becoming very tired as he leaned more heavily against Logan when they reached his door.  Logan huffed but smiled nonetheless.

“Where’s your key, Patton?” Patton rested his head on Logan’s shoulder, looking up at him with big sleepy eyes.

“It’s in my pocket,” he yawned again and Logan couldn’t help but chuckle at that.  Slowly he checked both of Patton’s pockets, keeping one arm firmly around his waist to hold him up.  Upon finding the key he unlocked the door and they both stumbled into the apartment, almost tripping every step of the way to Patton’s bedroom, both giggling and griping one another tightly. 

Once they finally made it to the bed, Logan lowered Patton to it gently, only letting go of him when he was safely sitting on the edge.  He was just about to turn and go when Patton’s hand clamped around his wrist, holding him tight.

“Stay,” he whispered, his eyes big and imploring as he looked up at Logan.  Logan smiled as he gentled Patton’s vice-like grip on his wrist, taking the delicate hand in his own and rubbing softly.

“Okay,” he murmured, forgetting himself and leaning down pressing a gentle kiss to Patton’s forehead.  Patton hummed happily and reached up, pulling Logan into an embrace, squeezing him tight. 

They stayed like that for a moment until at last Patton gentled his grip.  Logan pulled back to see that Patton’s eyes were still closed, a small smile on his face.  Carefully, he urged Patton to lie down, lifting his feet up onto the bed and pulling the covers over him.  Patton made a content little noise in his throat, his eyes still closed.

“G’night, Lo,” he mumbled.  Logan felt himself smiling as he took Patton’s glasses off his face and placed them on the bedside table.

“Goodnight, Patton,” he tucked the covers around Patton a little more before creeping out of the room and closing the door as gently as he could. 

He glanced around Patton’s cluttered living room before making his way to the little sofa, he pulled the blanket that Patton had knitted himself off the back of it and settled down, making himself comfortable with the cushions beneath his head.  He drew the blanket closer around himself, breathing in the scent of Patton before sighing heavily. 

He pulled his glasses off his face and turned out the light before finally allowing himself to succumb to the heavy pull of inviting sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet ya really thought something would happen there, right? Right? WRONG!! 
> 
> THEY'RE BOTH GAY AND DUMB HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan are hungover and complain to Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Peeks out from behind a tree* .....Hey...... so it's, eh, been a while......
> 
> I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up, I got some bad news from home and it kind of consumed my life for a while but I'm back!! And there's only one chapter left after this!!

Patton woke feeling hungover and grumpy.  He groaned as harsh daylight assaulted his eyes.  He rolled over to find that he was still wearing his clothes, even his cardigan.  Eventually he blinked his eyes open, his room blurred until he managed to find his glasses.  He sighed and dragged himself out of bed, fighting the temptation to kick his bedroom door open, instead shuffling into the living room.

He smiled when he saw Logan’s sleeping form on the couch, ruffling his hair a little as he walked by, almost chuckling at Logan’s sleepy grumble before he pottered into the kitchen to make them both coffee. 

“Good morning Patton,” he heard a vague rumble from the living room.  He actually did chuckle that time.

“Morning, Lo! How are you doing?” another groan pretty much answered his question.  He grimaced slightly as he finished making their coffee, taking the two mugs out and sitting beside Logan on the couch, handing one to him. 

“Thank you,” Logan mumbled, taking the cup gratefully, blowing on the steam. 

Patton took a moment to watch him, the light coming through the window shining on his face making him look so beautiful.  Patton shook his head before turning to his own coffee, his head thudding dully.

“I think I’m going to have a word with Virgil about all those cocktails,” Patton muttered.  Logan huffed a laugh beside him

“I was thinking much the same thing,” Patton smiled, drinking a little more of his coffee. 

“Virgil’s been acting kinda strange lately,” he mused, turning to look at Logan.  Logan hummed in agreement, sipping from his own coffee. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, each drinking their coffee and trying to deal with their hangovers. 

“What are you doing today, Patton?” Logan asked, his voice low and comforting.  Patton rolled his head back onto the couch, looking up at the ceiling as he thought.

“Well, I’m not working today but I did tell Virge I would do a shift in the bar this evening to help him out.  What about you, Lo?”

“I have a lot of writing to do,” Patton nodded.

“Want me to make you a hangover cure breakfast before you go?” he asked softly.  Logan nodded enthusiastically and then winced.

“Yes please, Patton.  Allow me to assist you in any way I can,” and with that Logan got to his feet and made his way into Patton’s kitchen.  Patton couldn’t help but smile to himself knowing Logan was still so at home here.  Slowly he got up himself and followed Logan into the kitchen, smiling and laughing as they cooked and then ate together until at last Logan had to go home.

 

 

 

***

 

 

“Virgil I. Mason you’ve got some explaining to do!”

 

Virgil had been in his bar in the middle of fighting with his damn dishwasher _again_ when suddenly he heard a very familiar voice, twisted in anger, coming from behind the bar.  Slowly, he lifted his head to peek over the bar surface finding Patton standing on the other side, his hands on his hips and his expression, frankly, grumpy. 

“Oh, hey Popstar!” Virgil greeted, overly cheery as he straightened up, attempting a nonchalant grin.  “I wasn’t expecting you ‘til this evening.  Eh, you know I don’t have a middle name, what does the I. stand for?”

“For I’m-going-to-kick-your-butt!” Patton gave him a Stern Dad Look before sitting down on a barstool and burying his head in his hands.  Virgil frowned as he leant over the bar. 

“Patton, what’s wrong?” the person in question groaned loudly before dropping his hands and looking at Virgil with miserable eyes.

“I’m mad at you, and that is making me sad,” he explained.  Virgil’s eyes widened and he started to panic, quickly running round the bar to sit next to Patton, wondering if he should do anything to try and comfort him.  

“Oh Patton, I…  Do you mind telling me why you’re mad?” he asked quietly, ringing his hands together as he watched Patton sigh and run a hand through his hair. 

“I think you know, Kiddo,” he said softly, looking down at the table instead of Virgil.  Virgil sighed and turned to face the bar himself.

“I went overboard with the cocktails, I’m sorry, are you hungover?” he asked, risking a glance sideways, but Patton was shaking his head, leaning back and looking up at him now.

“No, Virge,” he sounded almost… disappointed.  Virgil felt his stomach twist as he waited “It’s not the cocktails or the hangover.  It’s the fact that you’ve been messing with us, haven’t you?  You’re trying to set me and Logan up, right?” Virgil looked up sharply as Patton searched his face, perhaps for signs that he was wrong or maybe for remorse. 

“What? I don’t know –“

“Don’t, Virgil,” Patton cut him off sharply, giving him another stern look “Please don’t lie again,” Virgil felt a stab in his chest as Patton spoke, not angry or even annoyed, just so sad and down-trodden and so, so disappointed.  Virgil felt tears prick in his eyes as guilt and shame clawed at his insides.  He took a deep breath to steady himself. 

“Patton… I’m sorry,” he choked out.  Patton sighed and took his hand.

“I know you mean well and you probably thought you were helping but, Logan and I are _people_ Virge, with feelings and it might seem cute or like a fun idea to set us up on dates to try and..” Virgil watched as Patton paused, taking a deep breath before continuing “And make something happen, but in reality you’ve just given me two nights of heartache.  And what’s worse, if Logan had realised what was going on it could have changed everything, Virge.  You put our friendship on the line, and that’s not okay,” it was taking everything Virgil had to keep himself from crying now in his shame, he hung his head and felt immense gratitude that Patton had come to do this before the bar actually opened and that there was no one here to witness. 

“Patton, I…. You’re right, I’ve done a terrible thing, I… I don’t know what to say,” he just barely managed to force the words out of his throat when he felt Patton squeeze his hand.  He looked up slowly to see Patton smiling despite it all.

“Just say you’re sorry, and that you won’t do it again,” he still looked so sad as he spoke, but also hopeful and gentle and for a moment Virgil really thought about telling him the truth, that he _knew_ Logan loved him too and that he also had made Virgil promise not to say anything to explain away his actions, but he didn’t. 

Betraying Logan’s trust would not make up for the fact that he had been inconsiderate, and it would definitely not amend what he had done. 

“I’m so sorry, Patton,” he offered instead, squeezing the hand in his own, “And I will never do anything like this ever again,” suddenly a genuine, happy smile spread over Patton’s face and he leaned forward, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Then I forgive you, Kiddo,” Virgil really almost did cry then, but the pain in his stomach and chest softened a little, especially when Patton pressed a kiss to the top of his head and rubbed his back gently.  

“So… Are you hungover?” he asked a little sheepishly as he pulled back, rubbing at his eyes.  Patton laughed softly and nodded

“A bit, but it’s not too bad.”

“What about Logan?  How’s he doing?” Virgil watched as a hint of longing passed over Patton’s face before he smiled again.

“His is worse, you should probably send him an apology text too, Kiddo,” Patton eyed him as Virgil grimaced and pulled out his phone, firing a quick text to Logan.  Virgil sighed and ran a hand through his hair, not even caring that it would probably mess up his bangs, before turning back to Patton.

“Hey Pat?  You weren’t supposed to start here for another couple of hours so you wanna go get some food?  There’s no way I’m gonna get that dishwasher working anyway so,” Virgil shrugged and then smiled when Patton nodded enthusiastically and only a few minutes later the pair were heading out the door, leaving the bar and their conversation behind. 

 

 

***

 

 

Logan scowled and muttered to himself as he fought with his umbrella, a rather forceful gust of wind blowing it inside out _again_.  He continued muttering as he stuffed it into the nearest trash can before he dashed into Virgil’s apartment building and made his way up to Virgil’s door, knocking three times briskly.

 

The door opened a moment later and Virgil snorted, evidently taking in Logan’s damp and wind-swept appearance.  Logan huffed a little indignantly as he pushed past into Virgil’s apartment, hanging up his coat and then allowing himself to sink into the couch.  Virgil joined him a moment later, flopping down unceremoniously. 

“Doing okay?” he asked after a moment, glancing over at Logan.  He nodded curtly.

“I have thankfully recovered from my hangover,” he paused to glare at Virgil, who had the good grace to look sheepish “And I am otherwise fine,” he finished.  Virgil nodded, looking down at his hands.

“Look, I’m sorry about the last two nights.  That was really shitty of me and… I’m sorry,” Logan regarded his friend before reaching out and squeezing Virgil’s shoulder once. 

“I understand why you did it,” he said quietly.  Virgil looked round sharply at that, his eyes wide.

“You do?”

“Indeed.  You have proven your point well, Virgil.  I am indeed in love with Patton,” he said quietly.  There was a beat of silence before Virgil groaned loudly.

“Fuck’s sake, Lo, I did it to prove that you are _both_ in love with each other!” Logan frowned, shaking his head a little.

“You don’t have that information-”

“Actually, I do, Logan.  I cannot take this anymore. I can’t tell you how I know, but Logan I _know_ that Patton is in love with you, so please, _please_ I am begging you, go.  Right now, go and tell him, and then the two of you can be together, like you’re supposed to be,” as he spoke, Virgil reached out and grabbed Logan’s hand, holding it tight.  Logan stared at him with wide eyes, his traitorous heart daring to believe the words that Virgil was saying. 

He swallowed as his heart began to beat faster in his chest.  “But, what if he says no?” he breathed.

“He won’t,” and Virgil spoke with such finality, such certainty that once again, Logan found himself believing him.  Hesitantly, he allowed himself to think back over the last two nights, to remember Patton’s beautiful smiling face, his laugh and how he looked at Logan as if he were somehow someone worth hanging on to.  And then he allowed himself to think further back, over all their years together, and how Patton had always looked at him like that. 

Adrenaline and exhilaration ran through his body as he abruptly got to his feet.

“Okay,” he heard himself say, blinking as Virgil got to his feet too.

“What?  Wait, really?” Logan just nodded before looking around for his coat.  “Oh my god… Oh my _fucking_ god it’s really happening!” he heard Virgil muttering to himself as he pulled his coat on.

“I’ll see you later, Virge,” and with that, Logan was stepping out of the door, walking quickly down the corridor.

“You better fucking text me!” Virgil yelled after him.

 

Logan’s heart was pounding in his chest as he walked possibly faster than he ever had before, paying no attention to the cold or the rain.  He was on a mission, he was going to tell Patton how he felt and face the consequences, for once believing that the outcome would almost definitely be positive.  He could feel everything swelling in his chest as he walked, each step taking him closer to a conversation that would change his life forever. 

He was soaked to the bone when he arrived in front of Patton’s door, shaking from either the cold or anticipation, or perhaps both.  He stood, staring at the door with his hand raised, yet to knock.  For a moment, doubt niggled at the back of his mind.  Should be proceed and Patton not return his feelings, it could ruin their friendship.  As he contemplated this the image of Patton’s face the night before came into his mind as he had helped Patton into bed.  His expression had been so open, so obviously full of love and trust. 

He had to tell him. 

 

Taking a deep breath, he slowly raised his hand again, and knocked.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW AM I REALLY LEAVING IT THERE???? 
> 
> YOU BET I AM!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan confesses his feelings to Patton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for smut in this chapter, if you would like to avoid it skip from   
> Their kiss remained gentle   
> to   
> Once they were clean. 
> 
> Enjoy this unbridled fluff to end this fic!!

Patton was humming to himself, waiting for the kettle to boil when there was a sharp knock at his door.

He frowned, checking his phone to see if he had missed any messages from Virgil or Logan, but there was nothing.  There was another knock and he jumped a little before heading to the door, pulling his cardigan a little closer around him.  Taking a deep breath, he pulled the door open to find Logan soaking wet and shivering a little on the other side.

“Logan!  What are you doing?  You’re freezing, come here!” Patton fussed, his mind going a million miles an hour as he draped his cardigan over Logan’s shoulders, ushering him into the apartment and closing the door.  “Do you want tea? Or a towel? Or a change of clothes? Or a bath! I’ll run you a bath!” he was talking much too quickly and tripping over his words, feeling jittery as he knew Logan would not have gone out in heavy rain like this without a raincoat or umbrella unless something was wrong.

“Patton,” Logan cut off his rambling, grabbing his hand.  He froze, looking up into Logan’s eyes, trying to read his face and seeing only determination and earnestness.  “I need to talk to you, it’s important,” he said, his voice low even as he shivered. 

“Okay, is it something bad?” Patton’s voice was a little weak, but he made a surprised sound when Logan shook his head. He smiled a little and Logan smiled back, water droplets still clinging to his face “Oh, but don’t you want to dry off first?” Patton moved as if to get a towel but Logan gripped his hand tighter, keeping him there, and shook his head.  He was still shivering a little.

“I need to tell you now,” he murmured.  Patton blinked but remained still, looking up at Logan, his heart fluttering with nerves as he waited for him to speak. 

Logan took a deep breath and ran his free hand through his wet hair, pushing it out of his face.  He seemed to set his jaw and he nodded to himself a little before he held Patton’s hand a little tighter and looked into his eyes.

Patton hadn’t even realised he was holding his breath. 

“Patton,” Logan began, but he paused to clear his throat.  He was still shivering from the rain, so Patton brought up his other hand to hold Logan’s in both of his own, his heart beating hard in his chest. “Patton… I, em…” Logan sighed and shook himself, gritting his teeth together.  Even as his stomach twisted, Patton squeezed their hands.

“It’s okay, Lo,” he murmured, “It’s only me.  You can tell me anything,” Patton smiled up at him, his most reassuring smile, and Logan seemed to melt, visibly relaxing as he leaned forward and rested their foreheads together, breathing for a moment. 

“Okay. Patton. Over the last few days I have come to realise something rather important, and I feel I must tell you,” he stopped again, taking another deep breath.  Patton breathed with him, every single nerve inside his body on edge as anticipation flooded through him.  Logan pulled back again and, seeming to steel himself, he reached up and cupped Patton’s cheek with the utmost tenderness.

“Patton… I love you.”

Patton closed his eyes for a moment and willed himself not to cry hearing those words, and wishing desperately that he meant them the same way Patton did.  Slowly, he opened his eyes again.

“I love you too,” he smiled brightly “Did ya come all the way over here in the rain just to tell me that?” he teased, hoping his overt cheeriness would hide the pain in his chest, but Logan was shaking his head in earnest.

“Patton, I fear you have misunderstood.  What I mean to say is that, over the last few days, I have come to realise that I don’t just love you, as my best friend… Patton, I am completely and unequivocally in love with you.”

There was utter silence as Patton stared up at him, his heart had surely stopped beating and he must be dreaming.  He blinked once, then twice, his breath coming short as he looked up into Logan’s face, so full of honesty and openness.  He was still cupping Patton’s face, stroking his cheek ever so gently with his thumb as he waited patiently for Patton’s dumb, sluggish brain to catch up.  His stomach was twisting so hard he almost felt sick.

“You… you love me?” his voice came out weak, almost a whisper as he kept his eyes locked with Logan’s, hardly daring to hope that it could be true.  But Logan was smiling now and nodded.

“Yes, I do.  I understand this is a lot, and I don’t expect an answer right-”

Patton cut him off by reaching up and pressing their lips together. 

For a moment, neither of them moved.  And then Logan shifted ever so slightly and suddenly they were kissing like their lives depended on it.

Five years of careful restraint came crashing down as Patton wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck, stretching onto his tiptoes to kiss him with everything he had.  Logan’s arms closed around Patton’s back and waist, holding him close but still gently, as if he were cradling the most precious thing he had ever known. 

Again and again their lips met and parted, only to come together again seconds later, as if they both feared that if they were to stop, the spell would be broken.  One of Logan’s hands drifted up Patton’s back to tangle in his dark curls, carefully holding the back of his head as he pulled their bodies closer together.  Patton gasped in response and pushed himself forward, clinging to Logan and kissing him with more urgency. 

Eventually the fire between them ebbed into a flame as they pressed slow, gentle kisses to one another’s lips until, at last, they parted, both breathing heavily. 

“I love you too,” Patton breathed, smiling up at Logan, his entire soul singing with joy at being able to say it out loud.  “I love you!” he said again and giggled, giddy with happiness.

Logan chucked and kissed his forehead softly.

“I am so in love with you, Patton.  I apologise for taking so long to realise,” Patton shook his head, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips.

“ _Please_ don’t be sorry.  I’m so happy,” and he smiled up at Logan, taking in his expression of sheer joy and feeling sure that his was much the same. 

They stood there smiling at each other for almost a minute before Patton realised that Logan was still _very_ damp from the rain.  He immediately started fussing again, just as he had when Logan first arrived, getting him a towel and fresh clothes (from the drawer he had for when Logan stayed over) and making him a cup of tea.  His final precaution was to drape Logan in about three blankets on the coach while he drank his tea.

Patton stood over him, his hands on his hips, smiling proudly. “There.  No cold for you, mister!” Logan’s lip twitched but he said nothing, looking up at Patton seriously.

“There is something else you could do to keep me warm and reduce the risk of hypothermia,” Patton raised an eyebrow, a smile pulling at his lips

“And what might that be?”

“Bodily contact will ensure a rise in body temperature, to be safe prolonged bodily contact is recommended, it-”

“Logan, are you asking me to snuggle with you?” Patton couldn’t help but grin, watching as Logan’s expression turned a little sheepish.

“If you’re not adverse…” he mumbled.  Patton shook his head, his heart fit to burst.  He lifted the blankets and settled himself in right next to Logan, cuddling close but making sure he could still drink his tea.

“How’s this for bodily contact?” he teased, draping one arm over Logan’s shoulders.  He watched with glee as a faint blush dusted Logan’s cheeks

“Satisfactory for now, though it is advisable for us to continue all through the night.  Just to be safe…”  Patton giggled and snuggled closer, pressing a kiss to Logan’s cheek.

“I’ll cuddle you all day and all night if I have to!  Health and safety is _very_ important to me,” Logan grinned at him and leaned over to kiss him again, soft and lingering before he pulled back and took another sip of his tea. 

Patton could hardly keep his eyes off him.  He was so achingly beautiful and for the first time Patton could gaze at him with all of the love and affection in his heart clear on his face, and not only that but it was actually reciprocated! It was almost too much to process.

“Thank you so much,” Patton said, his voice quiet.  Logan glanced at him, a curious smile on his face.

“For what?” Patton took his hand and squeezed it

“For telling me you love me,” Logan blinked then smiled again, lifting their hands and pressing a kiss to the back of Patton’s. 

“You’re welcome.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patton grinned happily at his reflection.  He was wearing his absolute favourite sundress, black with pretty yellow flowers and tiny white dots everywhere.  It was cinched at the waist and then flared out so that it swished around his thighs as he walked, which always made him very happy.  Taking one last look around the room, he found his bag under the piles of clothes on the floor.  He grabbed it and then headed out of his bedroom and out of his flat, trying hard not to skip as he went.

It had been a month since the best day of his life, when Logan had told him that he loves him, and tonight they were going on their first official date.  Not that they hadn’t spent almost every moment they could with one another in the interim, this was just the first opportunity they had managed to find to go on a real date. 

Patton was unable to stop smiling as he felt the late-afternoon sun on his bare legs as he walked towards the library where he was meeting Logan.  He could still hardly believe it was real, and yet, in the moments he spent with Logan when his expression was all soft and happy and rosy with admiration, somehow it was actually easy to believe that he loved Patton. 

When they had told Virgil the following morning what had transpired he almost wept with relief, and then proceeded to complain at both of them for not listening to him sooner, and finally he demanded that he receive at least 60% credit for them actually getting together, claiming that it probably would never have happened without him.  With some bartering, Logan got it down to 40% and they all agreed to leave it at that. 

Patton smiled happily to himself as he came to a stop in front of the library.  He was a couple of minutes early and Logan was tutoring, so he would be out in a minute.  He quickly checked his phone and saw a text from Virgil hoping that they would have a good night.  He smiled and sent one back and when he looked up again, Logan was walking down the steps towards him, a small and gentle smile playing about his lips as he looked at Patton. 

“You look lovely,” Logan murmured after softly kissing his cheek.  Patton grinned even as his cheeks flushed pink and laced his fingers together with Logan’s as they began walking.

“So do you,” he replied, swinging their joined hands a little in his joy.  “Where are we going, by the way?”

“The cinema.  I thought you might like to see the new Disney movie?  Big Hero 6?” Logan looked a little unsure as he said it, but Patton nodded enthusiastically and squeezed his hand.

“That sounds perfect!”

 

And it was perfect, Patton thought to himself as they strolled home, kept cool by a gentle evening breeze.  The film had been great, and they had spent most of their meal afterwards praising it and they now walked back to Patton’s apartment in companionable silence, both enjoying the lovely evening and each other’s company. 

When they got to Patton’s door, he didn’t even bother to ask Logan if he wanted to come in, instead he just unlocked it and they made their way into the tiny space.

“Tea?” Patton called, already on his way to the kitchen

“Please,” Logan’s voice was low and relaxed and Patton smiled as he waited for the kettle to boil, watching from the kitchen as Logan settled himself on the couch, that small, soft smile still gracing his lips as it so often was these days. 

Patton sat down next to him, handing him a mug and then taking a sip of his own tea, instantly regretting it as he almost burnt his mouth on the too hot liquid.

“Are you tutoring tomorrow?” Patton smiled when Logan shook his head “Do you want to stay here tonight then?” he asked, heart beating a little faster with something like nerves as he watched Logan’s cheeks warm with colour while he nodded.  They had yet to take things further than a bit of heated making-out, but somehow Patton had the feeling that tonight might be different. 

A little tentatively, he slipped closer to Logan on the couch, resting his head on his shoulder and placing a hand on his thigh, squeezing once before leaving it there.  Logan seemed to go entirely still beside him before he took a steadying breath and relaxed a little, wrapping one arm around Patton’s shoulders and letting his head drop to rest on top of his unruly curls.

Patton sighed happily and closed his eyes, snuggling closer for a moment.  Then slowly he turned his head and pressed a soft kiss to Logan’s neck.  Logan made a tiny, content little sound that was almost inaudible and Patton smiled against his skin, kissing it again.  This time, Logan turned his head towards him and Patton moved to meet him and, without really knowing who had started it, they were kissing. 

Patton hummed against his lips as Logan fit them together, gently pulling Patton’s lower lip between his own once, and then again more insistently, and then over and over, one hand creeping up into his hair to twirl it round his fingers. 

Patton felt like he was melting, every part of his body itching to get closer, crying out for more contact, but he remained where he was for now, practically purring with Logan’s hand in his hair and moving his own hand to rest on Logan’s shoulder.  Logan’s hand tightened in his hair for a moment, and Patton took in a breath almost like a gasp, his lips parting and coaxing Logan’s open as well.  Apparently feeling it was an opportunity too good to miss, Logan gently flicked his tongue out to meet Patton’s, pressing against it gently and then lapping over it, and pausing waiting for Patton to do the same.  Patton hummed happily as he explored Logan’s mouth, his head becoming a little foggy with how pleasant he was feeling. 

Their kiss remained gentle and slow for several minutes and Patton was beginning to think that they may just leave it as such when suddenly Logan’s hand left his hair and he began to trail it down over Patton’s neck, his touch light as a feather, and then down his side over his dress, further down until he was gently brushing his fingertips over Patton’s thigh as they kissed.  A moment later, he wrapped his hand under his thigh and pulled, shifting so that Patton was now straddling him.

Patton gasped in surprise, breaking the kiss and staring down at Logan, eyes wide as he took in Logan’s expression.  His cheeks were a little red, but his eyes were focused and as Patton looked he saw something like determination flash in them and Logan slowly smirked at him, leaning forward and _very_ slowly pressing a kiss to Patton’s chest right above the neckline of his dress.

Patton was sure he had never gotten hard so quickly before in his life.

He watched in awe as Logan kissed his chest again and again, the slightest graze of teeth causing him to shiver.  Making an impatient sound, he laced his fingers through Logan’s hair and tilted his head back, kissing him deeply, moaning into his mouth as he tangled their tongues together.  Logan’s hands gripped his waist as he pulled him closer, causing their hips to roll together and Patton could feel that Logan was just as excited as he was. 

Keeping his grip tight on Logan’s hair, he rolled his hips again, relishing the little whining sound Logan made in response before he broke the kiss.

“Lo, god, how… how far do you want to take this?” he breathed, gently brushing his thumb over Logan’s lips.  Logan quirked an eyebrow and kissed his thumb, running both his hands up and down Patton’s waist.

“I would very much like to fuck you, if that’s what you want too,” Logan gripped his hips a little tighter, pulling him closer. 

“Logan! Language!” Patton chided but then he giggled when Logan snorted in surprise, chuckling to himself even as he rolled his hips up into Patton’s again.  “And… yes.  Please,” he added a moment later, grinding down a little as he watched Logan’s face for his reaction.  He smiled happily, reaching up to cup his face.

“Are you sure?  We don’t have to,” Logan’s expression was so open and honest that Patton knew he truly meant it, they could stop now and he would not hold it against him.  He shook his head softly.

“I want to… a lot,” Patton smiled and then Logan was kissing him again, softly.

“Shall we move to the bedroom?” Logan asked, voice low and eyes dark. 

“Oh, what about our tea?” Patton asked suddenly, glancing behind him at the two mugs before looking back at Logan, who had raised one eyebrow.

“I can… not have tea…” he murmured, kissing Patton’s chest again.  Patton giggled and then nodded, shifting off of Logan who looked like he wanted to pout at that, before taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.  It was a complete mess but at least his bed was made.

Patton led Logan to the bed, kissing him once before urging him to sit down on the edge before taking a deep breath.  Logan looked up at him curiously as he reached behind himself, finding the zip for his dress and pulling it down slowly, watching as realisation dawned on Logan and he blushed prettily.  Patton smiled, unzipping it as far as it would go.  Logan was staring at him looking entirely dumbstruck and Patton smiled to himself.  Feeling a surge of confidence, he let his dress and his inhibitions drop to the floor and stepped forward, almost entirely naked except for his boxer-briefs. 

Logan blinked a couple of times and cleared his throat, his eyes roaming all over Patton’s body.

“You are beautiful,” he breathed, so quietly that Patton wasn’t sure if he was even meant to hear it.  And then Logan reached out and wrapped his hands around Patton’s waist and pulled him forwards, pressing a line of soft kisses over his tummy as soon as he could reach. Patton hummed happily, busying himself by playing with Logan’s hair as he continued his exploration of Patton’s skin, kissing everywhere.

Patton gasped when Logan’s lips closed softly around one of his nipples, his tongue running over the bud slowly, teasing it to hardness before he sucked softly.  Patton groaned at the sensation, watching as Logan moved to his other nipple, doing the same again, his hands running up and down his back. 

“Lo,” he breathed as Logan began kissing down his chest again, lower and lower and lower until he was mouthing along the top of Patton’s waistband, his fingers gripping Patton’s hips tight. “ _Lo!_ ” Patton said again as he pressed a soft kiss to the head of Patton’s cock through his boxers.

“May I?” Logan asked, tugging gently at the waistband.  Patton nodded eagerly and Logan pulled them down, nipping gently at the top of Patton’s thigh as he did.  Patton shivered in anticipation, the sight of Logan’s head down _there_ pushing his arousal higher.  He took a steadying breath, forcing himself to concentrate on keeping his hold on Logan’s hair gentle as Logan began by kissing softly up and down his cock, moving up one side and passing over the head to kiss down the other side too and then back up again.

Patton’s eyes fluttered closed in pleasure but he opened them again when Logan took the head into his mouth, sucking softly and looking up at Patton with a starling amount of innocence.  Patton groaned as Logan took him a little deeper, pausing to suck a few times again and still looking up at him.  He nodded a little and then Logan took him deeper, surrounding him in warm wet heat, and he fought to keep his hips still as Logan moaned around him and then started moving his head slowly up and down, working his tongue over him as he went.

“Oh god, Lo, if you keep that up this is gonna be over very quickly!” Patton groaned as Logan sucked a little harder and then pulled off, smirking up at Patton.

Patton grinned down at him and took his face in his hands then kissed him again, ignoring the taste of himself in Logan’s mouth as he urged Logan to stand up without breaking their kiss.  He trailed his hands down over Logan’s chest and then under his shirt, pushing it up until they parted so that Logan could pull it over his head, and then they were kissing again as Patton pressed their bare chests together, his body tingling with the skin on skin contact and he hummed happily into Logan’s mouth.

Patton continued to kiss him as he worked on his belt and then his jeans, pushing his boxers down with them so that Logan could step out of them together, leaving him gloriously naked.  Patton took a moment just to look at him, all lean muscle and pale skin.  He glanced up to see Logan smiling at him even as he blushed and Patton smiled too.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he hummed, reaching up to kiss him again.  Logan smiled against his lips as he lifted Patton, his legs instinctively wrapping round his waist, then he turned and lowered them to the bed, Patton letting out a soft oof as his back hit the sheets and then giggling a little.  Logan grinned down at him and then they were kissing again, their hips rolling together as their hands explored every inch of one another they could reach. 

After a moment, Logan pulled back, smiling down at Patton as he reached over him and opened the bedside drawer, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom.  Patton looked up at him quizzically.

“How did you know I keep them there?” he asked, feeling his cheeks heat with a blush.  Logan merely shrugged.

“It’s the logical place to keep such things,” Patton laughed and leaned up to kiss him again, brushing his fingers gently over his cheek.

“Want me to do it?  Or did you want to prep me?” he asked, gesturing to the bottle.  Logan’s lip twitched as he uncapped it, pouring a liberal amount of lube onto his fingers and warming it between them.

“I think it would take some of the fun away from me if you were to do it,” he teased, his voice low and seductive.  Patton raised his eyebrows, lifting his hips as Logan positioned a pillow beneath them.

“Maybe, although don’t you think spectating is fun sometimes?” his own voice was teasing now and he delighted in the blush that spread over Logan’s cheeks even as he began circling Patton’s entrance with one finger, gently pushing against it.

“Perhaps another time,” Patton giggled and Logan leaned down to kiss down his neck, occasionally nipping as he slowly started to work his finger into Patton, pausing whenever Patton tensed and allowing him plenty of time to adjust before he started pumping his finger in and out.

“Mmm, you’re good at that,” Patton murmured, rolling his hips a little as the uncomfortableness receded, replaced by a clawing need for more, fighting a little to catch his breath.

“Ready for another?” Logan asked and Patton nodded, glancing up to see that Logan was watching him intently as he teased his entrance with another finger before pushing it in, causing Patton to whine low in his throat. 

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, maybe ten minutes maybe twenty, but he was feeling floaty and overwhelmed with pleasure, rolling his hips and whining and moaning as Logan stretched him with three fingers now.

“Please, Lo, _please_ I’m ready!” Patton’s voice sounded desperate to his own ears but he hardly cared, all he wanted was Logan close, to feel him inside him.  He whined as Logan pulled his fingers out, forcing his eyes open (when had he closed them?), to watch Logan roll the condom on and then slick himself up. 

Patton’s heart was beating fast with anticipation as he watched Logan align their hips, but he couldn’t help but smile as Logan wrapped his arms around him, slipping them under his shoulders and holding him, almost as if they were embracing.  Patton shifted and wrapped his legs around Logan’s hips, drawing him closer and Logan pressed their foreheads together. 

They stayed like that for a moment, both of them breathing deeply and gazing at one another, and then Logan began pushing in. 

Both of them moaned as he slid home, Patton feeling every inch of him and breathing deeply as he wrapped his arms around Logan’s back and used his legs to pull him ever deeper.  Logan groaned, burying his face in Patton’s neck and mouthing at the skin there. 

Another moment’s pause, and they began to move.

They rolled their hips in unison, a slow and steady pace that began to build.  Patton scratched gently at Logan’s back as Logan worked his tongue teeth and lips over Patton’s neck, neither of them silent for even a moment as whines and moans fell from both of their lips.

Patton panted, trying hard to catch his breath as his head swam with pleasure.  Logan felt so good inside him and his cock was squished between their bodies, rubbing against Logan’s stomach which was slowly but surely driving him crazy with pleasure as his moans increased in both frequency and pitch. 

They were moving faster now, their hips almost snapping together and Logan pulled back, looking into Patton’s eyes as he held him close, almost cuddling him still and pressing soft kisses to his lips.  And Patton was sure it had never felt this good before, his chest exploding with emotion as he tried desperately to kiss back.

“Lo… close,” he managed to get out.  Logan nodded, kissing him again.

“Can you touch yourself?” he murmured, shifting his hips a bit and managing to hit Patton’s prostate dead on.

Patton moaned loudly but nodded, moving his hand between them to start stroking himself, trying to time it with Logan’s thrusts, which were getting faster and faster.

“Ahhh, love you so much!” he whined, forcing his eyes open to look at Logan. 

“I love you too,” Logan grunted as he gripped Patton’s shoulders tighter, hitting his prostate with every thrust now.  He leaned down, sinking them into a kiss and Patton groaned as suddenly his orgasm crashed into him, waves of pleasure washing over him as he came.

He felt Logan still and shudder over him as he found his release too, and then they were kissing again, soft and tired as they both came down from their highs, Logan’s hips still moving in little circles, causing Patton to tremble a little.

Finally they both stilled and Patton smiled lazily up at Logan who grinned back before pulling out.  He fell to the side and Patton turned almost immediately to pull him close again, heedless of the mess.

“I love you,” Logan mumbled, kissing his hair and Patton grinned, happily snuggling closer.

“I love you too,” he replied, kissing Logan’s collar bone and squeezing him.

“We need a shower.”

“Shhh, its cuddle time,” Patton couldn’t help but smile as Logan chuckled, pulling him closer to his chest.

“At least a washcloth, then,” Logan conceded and Patton nodded.

 

It took them some time before they actually did move, at which point Logan insisted on a shower and Patton agreed, feeling the grossness settle in.

Once they were clean and in pyjamas they tumbled back into bed, cuddling and kissing and talking in almost whispers until they could hardly keep their eyes open any longer and Patton could not remember ever feeling happier.  For the longest time he had thought that this would never happen, that he would always be alone and would someday watch Logan fall in love and be happy with someone else.  But here they were, tucked up in his bed, getting ready to spend the night together as they had many times in the past month, and as they would in the months and years to come.

 

Patton smiled and slowly drifted off to sleep, safe in Logan's arms and truly, deeply happy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness gracious I can't believe it's finally over!!! I really enjoyed writing this prequel thank you so so much to everyone who has read, left kudos and written a comment I LOVE YOU ALL OKAY?!?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaaahhhhh it's happening! I feel like there's gonna be a lot more angst than previously anticipated in this fic... 
> 
> Roast me if you see a typo!!


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